Dear Sir,

Thank you for your letter and for your enclosed pizza menu suggestions. I have given some thought to our recent correspondence about topping choices. It is always difficult to decide on how to respond to people whose culinary ethos is so alien and, in fact, repellent to one’s own. It is not that I take exception to the general points made by you about pizza toppings, but that every ounce of my energy has been devoted to an active opposition to cruel fruit placement, compulsive sweetness, and the sadistic persecution of traditional savory flavors which has characterised the philosophy and practice of pineapple-on-pizza advocacy.

I feel obliged to say that the gastronomic universes we inhabit are so distinct, and in deepest ways opposed, that nothing fruitful or sincere could ever emerge from a shared pizza between us.

I should like you to understand the intensity of this conviction on my part. It is not out of any attempt to be rude that I say this but because of all that I value in Italian culinary experience and pizza-making achievement.

Yours sincerely,

What are the chances I had just sent something similar to someone advocating for pineapple on pizza?

Jokes aside - dude was pretty badass:

Bertrand Arthur William Russell, 3rd Earl Russell, OM, FRS (18 May 1872 – 2 February 1970) was a British philosopher, logician, mathematician, and public intellectual. He had influence on mathematics, logic, set theory, and various areas of analytic philosophy.

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