I was hit by a couple of SUV’s in a crash while riding a bicycle to work 2/26/14. I have chronic spinal issues. I haven’t really allowed hope to know me since 2017. A lot happened then. I kinda fell apart and had to come to terms with my limitations and disappointments from people I really needed to rely on. Hope became a destabilizing force; a danger I needed to protect myself from.
I’ve seen over a dozen neurosurgeons, and several pain management specialists. I’ve had physical therapy until I was broke. Never once did a doctor actually try to break down the problems or recommend someone who would. I complained about how I could be in tremendous pain just before a MRI but within a few minutes of lying flat, I felt fine. No MRI has ever shown anything major wrong with me. I even went as far as bribing the tech and radiologist with coffee shop gift cards and stuff to try and get them to take extra time and effort. Still nothing ever helped.
Today, I put on a corset thing for the first time. I haven’t been able to turn my head left in over 10 years. As soon as I tightened this thing, I can turn my head left again and there is no restriction that I can feel. I haven’t sat upright at a table in a straight chair in over 10 years, but I did so today. I was so elated about sitting there I wrote this stupid long reply to someone. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Normally the pain would kick in and stop me, but I just kept going.
I’m laying in bed now out of habit and caution, but for the first time in many years I feel anxious about staying here, capable, like I could get up and do something without the punishment of major pain.
I feel like a scared abused animal nearly unable to move out of this mental space; to allow hope a place in my mind. I have no idea where this ultimately leads. My inner cynic wants to laugh at the ten years of my life wasted when all I needed was a simple brace; all those reputable doctors failing at something so fundamentally simple; that my own uneducated intuition eventually lead me here on my own.
I asked here when the idea to try this first crossed my mind. Y’all pushed me to try it. Thanks. I still hesitated for whatever reason, but now I’m trying it. I’m scared to even admit it, but this feels different, it feels like hope, and that is something I really needed.
I’m super conservative about what I’ll do. I’m probably going to try and pick up some projects and see if I can complete them. I will probably start working on my bedroom electronics lab. Things are all over the place right now. If I can sit at my desk for extended periods of time, I have a ton of unfinished projects. I might get into circuit design. I kinda want to do Ben Eater’s 6502 project but with another processor. I have a few Z80’s, an 8088, or 68k. I also have some newer stuff I could mess with. I probably should use some of my PIC stuff. Several of those have FORTH on them already so I don’t have to mess with any proprietary crap to use those. I’ll probably try to finish my soldering and hot air rework station, then a few power supplies. If I can do that successfully, I might build a Gentoo server and start thinking about potential IT jobs. Who knows. I would love to find a way to get back in race shape on a bike. If I can be physical again, that is beyond imagination and highly unlikely, but I really wanted to learn casting and machining more, but I could weld, paint cars, use my commercial license, wrench on bikes or cars, or a range of heavy equipment I’ve been certified on in the past. I am very skilled with FreeCAD and understand the topological naming issue like the old timers, so I could be valuable in that space. There is a part of me that wants to explore wholesale Buying more too. I like the intuition and statistics of that world. I don’t know really. That is likely far too ambitious at this point to speculate. Of all of my curiosities I would probably like to get a degree of some kind. I know a lot of the CS stuff to various extents so that might be a thing too.
okay, that all sounds awesome and most of it is way technical for my understanding, but I’m very excited that you have so many plans that you can finally start making progress on.
starting small and working up, seeing what works and what feels okay physically sounds like a great idea.
sorry so many of your interests are machining or have to do with heavy lifting, but who the heck knows what sort of physicality you can develop eventually?
I wish you all the best and you should post some updates in casual conversation every now and then to let us know how things are going If you feel like it.
whatever you start with, I was very excited to hear about this first day’s progress and hope things continue in that direction!