Sometimes I forget this happened, but it was so long ago, I copied this from a comment I made, but edited it a bit more here…

2003 - 2004?

Middle school or early high school (I don’t understand well your USA system), one girl asked me to be her bf (maybe as a joke idk, her 2 friends were with her and basically told her to speak to me), i literally did a 180 and said bye, just wasn’t into those things yet, only cared about watching Digimon and stuff. Typical nerd with thick glasses.

I always considered her physically unattractive but she was mostly a sweet heart with everyone, soft spoken, her mom was a religion teacher at our school.

Anyways, next year, hormones were doing its job I guess, she looked the same ugly duckling to me, but she also… I dunno, like something was calling me towards her. Funnily enough we got closer and for a short while became friends (since we got paired to do homework and stuff together a couple of times at school) and I though many years later, even to this day “man, I should’ve said yes, even if it was a prank or a short thing”.

She became the girlfriend of the only “jock” (for you Americans) of the class about 3 months after my “rejection”.

And that pretty much is my only type of relationship with the other sex. Never felt in love or got into a relationship. Even if the whole thing was a cruel prank to make fun of me, that would’ve been better than not experiencing anything and still dateless to this day. Especially since as a kid you don’t need money, dress well, speak well or a car to really start dating (especially in a poor country like mine), meanwhile as an adult in mid 30s, in Europe is basically mandatory plus having great social skills.

  • @BrkdncrEnglish
    11•10 hours ago

    Before you go full incel, are you doing anything that puts you in social situations? You don’t need to dress up beyond looking like a normal human that can take care of themself and maybe a single plant.

    • @[email protected]OPEnglish
      -3•7 hours ago

      No I’m tired and don’t fit in those places. Also stop trying to insult me. Again, taking care of yourself means being successful. I’m not.

      • Dave.English
        4•4 hours ago

        Well, it’s been twenty years since your closest brush with a relationship and you’re still alive, so there is some amount of success going on in the taking care of yourself department.

        I won’t patronise you with the standard “find your people, hang in there!” comment. If it’s really eating you up inside, you’re going to have to take a few tiny steps towards society, because society won’t make the first move. Otherwise just do whatever you want to do and quit looking into the past.

        • @[email protected]English
          2•2 hours ago

          you’re going to have to take a few tiny steps towards society, because society won’t make the first move

          I feel like this works both ways. See Bowling Alone. Loneliness is a rising statistic, though unlike others I see isolation/escapism(/internet usage) as a symptom not a cause. I think money is a big reason.

          Not sure about OP, but some of my perspective is from living in a tiny village in car-centric USA so there is not much social here for me, if anything at all. The “my people” are probably out there, perhaps even nearer than I think but that doesn’t mean we’ll ever have reason to know each other.