I hate that one of them is interested in dating me and jokes often about me being his future wife. I like him a lot but I’m not good enough for him or worth anyone’s time. I’m scum. I know he’d be sad if I died but I think he’s better off without me. The others usually see me happy and would probably be shocked that I died. I probably shouldn’t care since I wouldn’t be there to see them sad. I don’t know. Even though my life got much better 3 years ago, I don’t see it improving any more than that. It’ll go downhill if I don’t cut my losses soon. I really give up on everything. I’ll be a horrible wife and mother, worse than I already am as a friend and a person. I’m ruined beyond repair, end me
Hey, you’d be surprised how much difference a friend can make. I have a kid, so I have my own reasons to keep going. But if you consider this person so great in your life, and you acknowledge that losing you would hurt him, then why hurt him? Even if you do only think of it as a friendship, you clearly think highly of him. So why would you want to hurt him?
I know this isn’t the argument one would normally take when trying to talk someone out of a suicidal mindset. But I’ve been there. I’ve thought so much about it, that I actually was like “just wait till after ‘endgame’”. Ok, well, I made it to see it in theaters. But then I realized my friend’s birthday was 2 weeks away. I couldn’t do that to him. I couldn’t have him associate that with his birthday. So I put it off. But then there was another thing, and another thing, and I’m not saying I’m great right now, but I have lost interest in suicide. Yeah, that’s not the “kids gloves” approach, but I’m sure you’ll get plenty of that. This is just another way of coming to the same conclusion as those people. Don’t do it. There’s a lot to live for. If not for your own interests and things you’re looking forward to, (whether that’s Taylor swifts next record, the next ______ movie, or GTA 6, or whatever) then to not hurt your love interest.
What I’m saying is, put it off. Don’t do it right now. Find a reason to put it off. “Fuck, I can’t die before I see season 2 of fallout!” Find a reason to put it off. I wish I could give you a hug and say it’ll be ok, but please, just find a reason to move the date back.