I hate that one of them is interested in dating me and jokes often about me being his future wife. I like him a lot but I’m not good enough for him or worth anyone’s time. I’m scum. I know he’d be sad if I died but I think he’s better off without me. The others usually see me happy and would probably be shocked that I died. I probably shouldn’t care since I wouldn’t be there to see them sad. I don’t know. Even though my life got much better 3 years ago, I don’t see it improving any more than that. It’ll go downhill if I don’t cut my losses soon. I really give up on everything. I’ll be a horrible wife and mother, worse than I already am as a friend and a person. I’m ruined beyond repair, end me
I am dealing with my own garbage mental health at the moment so I can’t give the same kind of emotional energy some other folks have, but:
🫂 you don’t deserve the pain that your hatred inflicts on you. Self worth can be so hard to find, and it hurts so much to live without