I really don’t feel like existing anymore. I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts for years now. I used to be 50%50 on killing myself. One hand it’s such a liberating thought. If I died then it will all be over and all my problems or go away but on the other hand I what if something good happens to me in the future? or what about all the other things I already enjoy?.
Sometimes I think things can get better but other times I think, how? I feel like I wasn’t designed for life. Life is a game that I’m losing no matter what. A game didn’t even choose to play btw. I feel beat down all I want to get myself a big box of pizza, a bunch of booze and overdose on cocaine.
There is other good advice here. If that doesn’t resonate with you. use your living to on a hyper local level help people. If your life isn’t good for you, go and volunteer at a food pantry or help pass-out food to the homeless as part of a group. It’s a small and direct thing that you can do to make things not about you. There are going to be groups don’t make it a big thing that requires organization.
This isn’t about seeing if others have it worse or any kind of comparison. It’s about building some self value and worth. Sorting boxes of food is something. Filling a bowl and handing to someone else is something and it’s not about you. It’s also likely something different then your usual and sometimes that is better.