My ex-wifes dog is dying. It’s old. She emotionally can’t handle the steps involved with that. She called me.
I grew up on a farm. I love animals but death was just part of life. I’ve had pets I loved get hit by cars, accidentally shot by hunters (on our land illegally), bitten by snakes… Plus there were lots of pets that stupid people dump in the country (“Fido will hunt rabbits or some nice farmer will take him” no he won’t. Fido will slowly starve in the wild and get very mean/crazy, then get shot when he attacks me. Just have the dog put down, dumping the dog isn’t better it just makes 10 year old me do what you couldn’t).
Anyway my ex-wife calls me because she can’t handle it and I can.
The problem is that I’ve slipped up a couple times and said “it” or “the dog” instead of “him” or “Toasty”.
I understand that it is insensitive and hurtful, Ive absolutely been trying to avoid that since I first came over. However it’s also insensitive and hurtful to call me bad for not getting emotionally attached to the dog at this point in its life. It’s dying.
I’m taking care of it. I’m using all my farm skills and animal knowledge to be sure it’s not dying from a disease, bacteria, or injury that I can fix or cure. I’m making food for it that is easier to eat so I can know for sure when the dog starts choosing not to eat vs having difficulty eating. When/if the time comes where the dog doesn’t want to continue, I’ll handle those steps and give it a burial.
If I was a monster I wouldn’t help at all or just come over, shoot it, bag it, and trash it. I’m giving this animal every chance and looking for the moment when it gives up. I’m not cold. It’s just a bad time to make friendship bracelets with the dog. It’s a dying dog. I don’t need to get more attached, I need to keep emotional distance to make good choices for the best interest of the animal.
That’s exactly why I was called in the first place. That doesn’t make me a monster.
Edit: before the “take it to the vet!” Comments. Our daughter is a vet. She said the same things I did. It’s probably going to die. When it stops eating and gives up, put it down.
First, how you’re feeling is valid, though let me be selfish here:
People like you, and others for different reasons who are able to do the same, allow people like me the chance to shed authentic and honest grief. I cannot speak for everyone, so allow me to speak for myself when I say that I do know what’s best for the animal. I cannot do what you are doing.
I have tried and it nearly broke me on two separate occasions. Without support I’m not even certain I could take something, someone really, to the vet to be put down. In this sense I am weak. Not afraid of death, I hate it with a voracity bordering on pure hatred, even as I accept that it is a part of life.
So while it may be twisted of me to say: Thank you. I deeply and sincerely appreciate you and all the others who take into their hands a life that is suffering and do their best to make whatever months, weeks, days, or moments left kind, gentle, and for the merest of times memorable.
How you feel is absolutely valid as well. That’s how my ex is too.
That’s kinda why I’m on a venting board instead of advice or “am I the asshole” type place. I know why she’s lashing out at me and I don’t want to start an argument over something she doesn’t really mean to do.
So I found a safe place to vent my own frustration safely.
That’s totally fair. I know I was a little out of line for the board we’re in. I just know I appreciate what you’re doing and somehow needed to speak openly.
You’re good. I completely understand