If he was American, he could have just stayed home and done a lot of things that are federal crimes, like accidentally blocking a toilet in a national park or threatening a circus.
And my therapist wonders why I’m so god damn paranoid, and yes, he was… He called himself Johnny Somali.
I’ve seen some of his stunts, guy was a Grade A prick.
He dry humped “Woman of Comfort” statues in South Korea (Statues memorializing women forced into prostitution during wartime)
Continuously pretended to need help in order to take advantage of the kindness of strangers so that he could be “funny” by yelling at them for “being useless”
Got fresh cooked ramen at convince stores and proceeded to throw the noodles at passers-by (This was charged basically the same way as if you punched the Mayor of an American town in the god damn face and recorded it)
Signed off his videos by praising the Chinese Communist Party or talking about how “much better North Korea is” (It’s worth noting that China, South Korea, North Korea, and Japan are four places that REALLY don’t get along with each other… and that South Korea has acted as a refuge for citizens of North Korea who manage to escape thanks to a law South Korea has that recognizes citizens of any Korean territory as South Korean citizens, which given the cruelty of North Korea is more than a little based)
Walked around on trains with loud speakers that constantly shouted via Text To Speech “I HAVE A BOMB” and “PRAISE KIM JUNG UN” in Korean repetitiously. All while obnoxiously shouting “SORRY, I DON’T SPEAK KOREAN, DON’T KNOW WHAT IT SAYS, CAN’T GET IT TO STOP!”
Smoked weed, in a country where just having THC in your urine is basically the same level of “Guilty as fuck” as American Cops with body cam on watching you do a line in your meth lab after you just casually waived your 4th Amendment rights and invited them in. (Guess one of the reasons why he’s locked up now)
What’s worse? He CONTINUED to do this shit even after Youtube banned him, and STILL persisted even when he learned he had warrants out for his arrest. He seemed to think that as long as he apologized and claimed cultural misunderstand, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted. To be fair, this “I’m not evil, I’m just dumb, please have mercy.” strategy apparently worked in Japan and he was merely “just asked to leave”, so he probably thought all asian countries would be so lentient, but still… I’ve never seen someone with such powerful anti-survival traits.
But that doesn’t explain why the hell he just continued to do this, even after they confiscated his passport and told him he was barred from leaving the country until after criminal investigation. (He was not officially arrested yet for two reasons.
They intentionally held off on arrest so that he would waste the last of his money instead of getting free room and board on the Korean Taxpayer Dime. (Remember South Korea is a much smaller country than America and fleeing for the border just means going to North Korea aka, a giant prison camp pretending to be a country)
His continued misbehavior even when he knew law enforcement was watching his every move made him the best player on the Prosecution’s team)
I’m about 3/4 of the way through it and I have to keep putting it down because I often read in the evening after my wife has gone to bed and I’ll be laughing too hard.
If he was American, he could have just stayed home and done a lot of things that are federal crimes, like accidentally blocking a toilet in a national park or threatening a circus.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/42201868-how-to-become-a-federal-criminal
This book is so good.
And my therapist wonders why I’m so god damn paranoid, and yes, he was… He called himself Johnny Somali.
I’ve seen some of his stunts, guy was a Grade A prick.
He dry humped “Woman of Comfort” statues in South Korea (Statues memorializing women forced into prostitution during wartime)
Continuously pretended to need help in order to take advantage of the kindness of strangers so that he could be “funny” by yelling at them for “being useless”
Got fresh cooked ramen at convince stores and proceeded to throw the noodles at passers-by (This was charged basically the same way as if you punched the Mayor of an American town in the god damn face and recorded it)
Signed off his videos by praising the Chinese Communist Party or talking about how “much better North Korea is” (It’s worth noting that China, South Korea, North Korea, and Japan are four places that REALLY don’t get along with each other… and that South Korea has acted as a refuge for citizens of North Korea who manage to escape thanks to a law South Korea has that recognizes citizens of any Korean territory as South Korean citizens, which given the cruelty of North Korea is more than a little based)
Walked around on trains with loud speakers that constantly shouted via Text To Speech “I HAVE A BOMB” and “PRAISE KIM JUNG UN” in Korean repetitiously. All while obnoxiously shouting “SORRY, I DON’T SPEAK KOREAN, DON’T KNOW WHAT IT SAYS, CAN’T GET IT TO STOP!”
Smoked weed, in a country where just having THC in your urine is basically the same level of “Guilty as fuck” as American Cops with body cam on watching you do a line in your meth lab after you just casually waived your 4th Amendment rights and invited them in. (Guess one of the reasons why he’s locked up now)
What’s worse? He CONTINUED to do this shit even after Youtube banned him, and STILL persisted even when he learned he had warrants out for his arrest. He seemed to think that as long as he apologized and claimed cultural misunderstand, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted. To be fair, this “I’m not evil, I’m just dumb, please have mercy.” strategy apparently worked in Japan and he was merely “just asked to leave”, so he probably thought all asian countries would be so lentient, but still… I’ve never seen someone with such powerful anti-survival traits.
But that doesn’t explain why the hell he just continued to do this, even after they confiscated his passport and told him he was barred from leaving the country until after criminal investigation. (He was not officially arrested yet for two reasons.
They intentionally held off on arrest so that he would waste the last of his money instead of getting free room and board on the Korean Taxpayer Dime. (Remember South Korea is a much smaller country than America and fleeing for the border just means going to North Korea aka, a giant prison camp pretending to be a country)
His continued misbehavior even when he knew law enforcement was watching his every move made him the best player on the Prosecution’s team)
It makes sense they have that law. Both countries claim sole legitimate governance of the Korean peninsula and its population
I mean, instead of helping Israel kill children, I’d be down for our tax dollars going to give NK to SK.
Course I’d MUCH, MUCH rather we stop funding Israel’s Single Payer so we can have one of our own. (That’s not a joke)
This looks hilarious and will have to read. Thanks for sharing! Although, it did sort of ruin my plans for importing a pregnant polar bear.
I’m about 3/4 of the way through it and I have to keep putting it down because I often read in the evening after my wife has gone to bed and I’ll be laughing too hard.