I was perplexed by the question. What’s the difference? They explained: “Should I tiptoe and watch my manners around you or be blunt? Flirtatious or chill? Brag about my sexual conquests or talk about our feelings? When you’re sad, do I hug you and buy you ice cream or do we go grab some beers? Should I wonder if we’ll ever hook up?”
I’m not sure if I’m more appalled or confused by this mindset. I thought everyone treated their friends the same regardless of their gender identity. Is this just a fringe case of toxic masculinity, or is this really how the average cis person sees the world?
It sounds like this person thinks your gender is your entire personality, and that by transitioning gender you are becoming an entirely new person. I think it’s normal that they turn to stereotypes and binaries to try and understand something they are unfamiliar with though. The “will we ever hook up” would absolutely throw me off if a friend I trusted said that, and that’s a whole thing to digest alone.
I’ll refrain from giving advice because it wasn’t asked for, but unfortunately yes. Lots of cis people need the boxes and stereotypes in order to interact with others in the “socially correct” way rather than making those determinations on a person by person basis. I think it’s part of the cisheteronorm standard that is still said quietly rather than out loud.
I left out some context as the post was getting a bit wordy already: I transitioned long ago, I “pass” incredibly well, and my friend has always known me as a (presumably) cis man. His question was coming from “I’ve never known a trans person and don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
In that case, is the only thing stopping him from hitting on guys his identity as straight?
Yeah, I’m confused by that as well.
Honestly though, this might be the time for a “don’t make it weird bro”