This is sort of an odd prompt but I’ll elaborate.
I’ve always been a lone wolf. Primarily it has been due to intense social anxiety. I also fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum. So I’ve mostly gone though life by myself. Friendships and relationships have just never been a thing for me. I’m also in my 30s, so it’s not as if I’m going to change the way I am.
Several years back, I started working my current job. Most people I worked with were either ok or were assholes. But there was one who was always kind to me. She always jokes around with me and was cheerful and happy when everyone else was a grumpy asshole. We work only a few feet from each other for hours almost every single day.
Through the years, I noticed myself getting happy when she would arrive at work or when our schedules would overlap more. I am happy every day to see her and enjoy spending time with her. I absolutely never get tired of seeing her and look forward to it every single day. She has even called me a friend on numerous occasions which I have almost never had anyone do before. We spend our days simultaneously working and also trying to out goober one another. She started referring to me as her friend at one point and it made me really happy whenever she would say it.
She is married and has children and has her own busy life outside of work. I often feel bad whenever I end up texting her outside of work because I know I am taking her away from where she wants to be. She’s not one of those parents that spends their off hours getting away from the household…she is the opposite…wanting to spend every waking moment not at work with her kids.
It’s selfish and wrong of me, but sometimes I get jealous when she interacts with her other work friend. Or it sometimes makes me sad to know that I most likely don’t mean as much to her as she does to me. I would do honestly absolutely anything for her. I even let her family stay with me for a few days when they were temporarily without power or water.
When I see my other coworkers, I honestly could take them or leave them. But my whole day gets brightened when I see my one coworker that I am close to. I never get tired of seeing her.
I’ve almost never ever had this happen before. The only ever time this happened was with another sweet, funny, coworker who eventually moved away. I liked both of them very much and it pained me so much when the other left. I was depressed for months.
Since I’m an asexual, I never really see people and want to make out or have sex with them. But is that what is happening with my brain? Is my description normal friend behavior or is it wrong for me to feel this level of happiness and connection around my coworker? Is it normal to like a friend this much or is there something wrong with me? Am I supposed to try to find other people instead to have this sort of feeling with instead of my coworker? Is it wrong to want to hang out outside of work? Where is the line supposed to be drawn between what is socially acceptable and what isn’t?
Thanks. I’m stupid ig.
I don’t mean to say that she doesn’t really like me or anything. She seems to like me a lot too. I am one out of her only 2 friends as well haha! She has said other things that makes it sound like she also really likes me…once she even said we were “kindred spirits” but idk if she really meant that lol. I just mean that I get that I am not the number one priority of relationships because of the family which obviously makes total sense. I just don’t know how normal it is that I like her that much for a friendship. And like is it wrong to hang out outside of work or something?
It’s ok to hang out outside work. Even people with kids can spend some time with their friends. Let her decide the amount of time she wants to spend with you, don’t push things too much, and it’s going to be alright.
I am afab, have similar ace feelings, got dates easier because afab and guys are horny, didn’t always last long or end well, 'cause guys are horny and took offense to, no I don’t care for sexy times please (at least it was common for me though teens n 20s). Have bffs that have lasted decades! Guys and girls. I am in a relationship now, have been for quite a long time, we are great friends at the base of our relationship and he is cool that I am not sexual most of the time (me as sexual, not his acceptance).
My bffs are just as important to me, the elated feeling when I see them, can’t get enough time with them, feel so able to be my dorky self when we are together… boys came and went for a long time for me, friends stayed steady. With guys they call them bromances I think?
For me, a good best friend IS a relationship, that I liked better than romantic ones and I think it was because of the lack of sexual pressure that made it more comfortable for me.
So, no, not weird. When you don’t have a handful of relationships, the one close one tends to mean soo much more. It is super hard to make friends when odd, especially as an adult. You mentioned she had one other friend at work, maybe they have similar interests since she likes them? Maybe you could try to get to know them too and have a 3 musketeers thing at work? They might not be near as cool and interesting, or bring the same feelings but it could help the emotional flows have another outlet. And, maybe they will know a couple cool peeps that could lead to another awesome connection with someone they know. This is how I usually got more friends as my friends were usually more outgoing than me. They know I use them for socializing and don’t mind, part of what makes them precious to me.
Do be careful, emotions can come on strong sometimes and if she is happily married, a rise in romantic or sexual tension may be a push away and that can feel devastating.
I wish I had some better actual answers for you, hopefully someone’s suggestions will be helpful though! People generally suck but there diamonds in the rough scattered about. You already have found 2, I am sure you can dig up more, it may just take a lot of time and patience to get the next one uncovered.