HOUSTON—Coming to terms with its diminished status after thousands of years as a venerated deity commanding pure devotion, the sun admitted this week that it was unsure what it had to do to get humans to worship it again. “Last year I tried this huge total eclipse, and that didn’t do shit,” the sun said […]
Unfortunately, the shutdown procedure takes about 5 billion years. Also, the entire operating system is kept in volatile storage. So, once it loses power, restarting it requires reloading all of the storage from scratch. This would mean an extended outage and may have some impact on users who rely on its services. The potential impact to revenue generating activities is considered too great to allow a reboot at this time. We can reevaluate again next millennium.
Unfortunately worship is measured every 500 years or so. It’s a real workshoping bitch.
This has become an IT, QA, and Marketing meeting. I’m out sick for two weeks.