I’m a 21 year old guy and struggle with depression for my whole life because of traumatic things I experienced from my parents.

About 2 years ago I completely lost all my spirit and willingness in life. I fell into this dark hole where I’m not able to do anything on my own anymore and had to move back to my parents since I wasn’t able to live on my own anymore.

Since then I spent the full 2 years completely alone in my room every single day and haven’t been outside or met anyone since. I only get outside maybe once a month to buy groceries but except from that I don’t see the world anymore, have no activities to do and live with pure hopelessness, no money and very little food.

Even though my family knows all that and I’m crying out for help, no one is helping me. I’ve lived in many facilities before, went to therapy and have a psychiatrist but all they do is talk but that’s it. I tried my very best but realized that I’m just not capable to live on my own.

And then all my parents do (especially my father) is treating me the same way like when I was a kid that caused my depression in the first place by letting out their dissatisfaction/frustration with themselves on me and baselessly blaming/criticizing me for every little thing. And all that is just making it so much worse and harder for me to get out of the situation.

They let me suffer in hell until I go insane or die.

I don’t understand why this world is so cruel. It feels like no one cares about people who suffer.

I don’t get that. If I was better off and knew someone in such a situation I would do everything to help them and give them what they need. Why is no one helping and just let you suffer like that?

  • @Lost_SoulOPEnglish
    7•6 days ago

    Thanks for the encouragement. I tried drugs before such as those SSRI’s but all they did is make me feel even more uncomfortable and mess with my brain chemistry.

    For some people this might help to numb their feelings or something but it definitely didn’t help for my major depression. I don’t think depression is caused by a lack of specific neurotransmitters. It’s a core part of my identity and you had to change my personality to get rid of the depression and unfortunately we don’t have meds for that…

    • JessicaEnglish
      8•5 days ago

      Mate, you’re deep in it right now. I also felt that it just was who I am. I was convinced that I was meant to feel bad; that the rut I was in was just my nature. But that isn’t what defines me anymore.

      It feels like there is no hope and no one willing to help. But I bet deep down you know that it has to start with you. All of the drugs and therapies won’t help you until you wake up one day and decide to make a change.

      Do one thing today. Whether that is shower, make your bed, or even just brush your teeth. Do something. That was the start for me. I had to force myself to shower and brush my teeth each day. For a while, that was my one thing I made myself do each day. Then I started doing three things, then four. I hated each step of the way, but eventually, I hated doing these things less.

      You can do this. I don’t know you, but I know that you can. Your words eerily echo mine from the past.