It’d make more sense to compare it to another neurological disorder. Maybe BPD. One of the symptoms of bipolar disorder is impulse control.
If your partner is in a hyper manic state and keeps banging bar randos, that’s still disrespectful even if it’s a symptom of their disorder.
If they run up a credit card debt because it causes them tremendous mental effort to not buy things on a whim, it’s still harmful.
Now you might get into a relationship knowing these are possibilities, but you’re still hurt and/or damaged by them. It would make sense for you to make rules about your partner trying to get help and curb the hurtful behaviors.
And my wife is awesome. I don’t look down on her at all, I just get hurt feelings when I can’t get through a story after trying multiple times. I also have ADHD and 9 out of 10 times my thought is long gone by the time she’s done interrupting me.
Is your wife doing it on purpose? If not, why do you get hurt by it? That seems like way more a you thing than a her thing because you’re placing unreasonable expectations on her to mitigate your negative emotions. The work of both changing her behavior (difficult) and managing your emotional state (impossible) are both put on her plate. That’s what I think is crappy about how you’re describing it. Using your BPD example, it would be like you handing your credit card to somebody in a manic episode and expecting no charges on it and then feeling betrayed and blaming that feeling on the other person when that expectation is unmet. Put a credit limit on the card. Do some CBT about your feelings.
So continuing the analogy, to “not hand my wife a credit card,” I need to stop having conversations with her? Speak in short sentences that are harder to interrupt?
Nah, we’ll keep trying to improve ourselves and keep communicating with each other.
Sorry if you don’t want to feel bad about interrupting people.
No, you need adjust your expectations. She’s going to interrupt you. Stop taking it personally. That’s your issue, not hers. And don’t act like ADHD is a moral failing with that “improve ourselves” ableist crap. It’s a disability, not merely an inconvenience. If you actually have ADHD that’s bad enough to be diagnosed and medicated, you should know solutions that require sustained effort will never work. If that is a new concept to you, please watch this video, save yourself some mental burdens and negative feelings, and have a better relationship https://youtu.be/4gdpvLQjdrE
It’d make more sense to compare it to another neurological disorder. Maybe BPD. One of the symptoms of bipolar disorder is impulse control.
If your partner is in a hyper manic state and keeps banging bar randos, that’s still disrespectful even if it’s a symptom of their disorder.
If they run up a credit card debt because it causes them tremendous mental effort to not buy things on a whim, it’s still harmful.
Now you might get into a relationship knowing these are possibilities, but you’re still hurt and/or damaged by them. It would make sense for you to make rules about your partner trying to get help and curb the hurtful behaviors.
And my wife is awesome. I don’t look down on her at all, I just get hurt feelings when I can’t get through a story after trying multiple times. I also have ADHD and 9 out of 10 times my thought is long gone by the time she’s done interrupting me.
Is your wife doing it on purpose? If not, why do you get hurt by it? That seems like way more a you thing than a her thing because you’re placing unreasonable expectations on her to mitigate your negative emotions. The work of both changing her behavior (difficult) and managing your emotional state (impossible) are both put on her plate. That’s what I think is crappy about how you’re describing it. Using your BPD example, it would be like you handing your credit card to somebody in a manic episode and expecting no charges on it and then feeling betrayed and blaming that feeling on the other person when that expectation is unmet. Put a credit limit on the card. Do some CBT about your feelings.
So continuing the analogy, to “not hand my wife a credit card,” I need to stop having conversations with her? Speak in short sentences that are harder to interrupt?
Nah, we’ll keep trying to improve ourselves and keep communicating with each other.
Sorry if you don’t want to feel bad about interrupting people.
No, you need adjust your expectations. She’s going to interrupt you. Stop taking it personally. That’s your issue, not hers. And don’t act like ADHD is a moral failing with that “improve ourselves” ableist crap. It’s a disability, not merely an inconvenience. If you actually have ADHD that’s bad enough to be diagnosed and medicated, you should know solutions that require sustained effort will never work. If that is a new concept to you, please watch this video, save yourself some mental burdens and negative feelings, and have a better relationship https://youtu.be/4gdpvLQjdrE