God, if only it were that easy. I had this issue with a FWB, and we went through a few distinct phases…
The first was just reassuring her I didn’t mind. Listening and responding is easy enough for me, but I’m a quiet person, so it’s a great thing for me to have both someone that has a job/life that gives her a lot to talk about every day, and someone that has the social battery to talk about it. When the apologies persisted, I tried being more and more precise and long-winded in my explanation…to no avail.
Which did get exhausting, admittedly. So the third phase was scaling it back. “Like I always say, I like listening to you and don’t mind at all”. Which I guess was my way of politely saying “I’m running out of ways to say this.”
The fourth “phase” was her putting it more…bluntly I guess. “Sorry, I know I’m annoying you so I’ll see if I can shut up for just two minutes.” Which was frustrating for me, because I’ve already done everything I could think to do to reassure her, but she doubled down and that made me feel like there was truly nothing I could do to get through to her.
That’s all I had to say I guess. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.
And sometimes people are held back by traumatic experiences that meld into deeply held beliefs.
I’m the kind of person OP is talking about. I know it’s hard for the folks around me that I love dearly. I try to change it, find ways to reassure myself constantly, etc… It’s an incredibly frustrating, lifelong battle.
God, if only it were that easy. I had this issue with a FWB, and we went through a few distinct phases…
The first was just reassuring her I didn’t mind. Listening and responding is easy enough for me, but I’m a quiet person, so it’s a great thing for me to have both someone that has a job/life that gives her a lot to talk about every day, and someone that has the social battery to talk about it. When the apologies persisted, I tried being more and more precise and long-winded in my explanation…to no avail.
Which did get exhausting, admittedly. So the third phase was scaling it back. “Like I always say, I like listening to you and don’t mind at all”. Which I guess was my way of politely saying “I’m running out of ways to say this.”
The fourth “phase” was her putting it more…bluntly I guess. “Sorry, I know I’m annoying you so I’ll see if I can shut up for just two minutes.” Which was frustrating for me, because I’ve already done everything I could think to do to reassure her, but she doubled down and that made me feel like there was truly nothing I could do to get through to her.
That’s all I had to say I guess. Thanks for coming to my ted talk.
What’s FWB?
friend with benefits
Fuckin with buddies
Sometimes you’re the only adult in a relationship. And it sucks.
And sometimes people are held back by traumatic experiences that meld into deeply held beliefs.
I’m the kind of person OP is talking about. I know it’s hard for the folks around me that I love dearly. I try to change it, find ways to reassure myself constantly, etc… It’s an incredibly frustrating, lifelong battle.
Tbh neither of us were being the adult lol. We both had a hand in keeping that relationship a FWB relationship.
But hey, live and learn. We’re both still friends and talk most days of the week, so I’d say the whole thing was a net positive.
Elaborate? I might be in the same boat