i honestly think mine was sometime in 8th grade when i realized that i didn’t just admire this guy, i wanted to go out with him.
i got jealous when he jokingly flirted with guys, but at the same time hoped that he was hinting that he was queer and not just joking around.
Are we talking first crushes or accepting it?
I (though I don’t love admitting it) had a crush on Britney Spears in about first grade, Anne Hathaway a couple years later, a girl I was close with in high school and stamped those down into my subconscious and stayed closeted to myself until about college when it dawned on me like the Twentieth Century Fox intro.
I also hated being told I had crushes on teen boy idols and didn’t realize why until then either so ¯_(ツ)_/¯
When I was questioning my sexuality (I recently had broken up with a guy who wasn’t paying attention to me and subsequently started being interested in girls), I also felt really awkward hearing girls talk about teen boy idols.
I felt like I was supposed to like them, but I didn’t find them attractive at all. I did go through a boy idol phase due to comphet, I felt pressured by my straight friend.