Immanuel Kant was a real pissant Who was very rarely stable

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar Who could think you under the table

David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel

There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ya 'bout the raising of the wrist Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill

Plato, they say, could stick it away Half a crate of whiskey every day

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle Hobbes was fond of his dram

And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart “I drink, therefore I am.”

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he’s pissed