I’m looking for a job. I saw Alice works at ACME brick. Bob knows Alice. Bob and I used to work together. I asked Bob if he could introduce me to Alice so I can ask Alice 1) for help getting in touch with the hiring manager and 2) what the company culture is like. Bob said yes and I asked Alice my questions, with Bob CC’ed in the message.

This has seemed OK with most people. However Bob said my conversation with Alice seemed one sided and excessive and like I was taking advantage of him just to get to the hiring manager. I am, correctly, asking for help getting to the hiring manager, for inside info. I am not only asking that, but it is part of what I’m asking. I am also asking about company culture and advice when talking to the interviewer. Bob was very upset and I think I’ve burned that bridge.

Is this wrong, in general? Is it OK but not asking too often? Most people seemed to be OK with it, but I worry they were just being polite and I’ve been unknowingly pissing off my entire social life and hurting my chances at getting a job. (why yes, I do have anxiety and take meds.)

  • @meleecrits
    9•20 hours ago

    I’m currently looking for a second career job. I’ve put out literally 100+ resumes in the past couple of months. The only two positions I’ve heard back from were from agencies where I knew someone.

    Asking for help/an in is not only acceptable, but in many situations, the only way to get a position.

    Don’t feel bad for something everyone else is doing.

    Conversely, anytime I’ve worked somewhere where a position opens that a friend of mine may benefit, I let them know and will hunt down the hiring manager once my friend applies.

    • @[email protected]
      3•18 hours ago

      I let them know and will hunt down the hiring manager once my friend applies.

      As a hiring manager who has experienced this kind of introduction or “name drop”, I want to add my perspective:

      It’s great. Keep it up.

      I got introduced to one of my best team leads that way. (To be very clear, I didn’t know the colleague making the introduction. We worked together but had never quite crossed paths. I still buy them a thank-you lunch occasionally as a thank you for their bravery, and selfishly in case they or another peer of theirs is job searching.)

      Disclaimer: As a manager, it’s my job to apply fair hiring practices, and I’m committed to that. I don’t have many great answers, but I know today’s computerized HR filters aren’t fair to anyone, anyway. We need to do better, and personal references are probably the best tool for candidates, right now.