I work remote, but occasionally have to travel to New York City for in-office events. During these events I sit in a conference room with the rest of my team all day. We usually have a team dinner planned during the week or something.
Tuesday I got into New York and later that night we went out to dinner. This ended up going until 10:30pm, which is pretty late for me (I usually am in bed by 10). It was also announced that day that we would go bowling today (Wednesday). After a day of sitting in a conference room for 8 straight hours, I really didn’t feel like going out with my coworkers or drinking beer til 10 or 11 at night. I told my coworkers I was going to skip it because I wanted to go to the gym and I made something up about having to file my taxes by tonight, but I think they generally understood that I just didn’t want to go.
I also was never explicitly invited; we were just told “we are going bowling on Wednesday”, so I think there was the expectation that I go, but I strongly feel that nobody should be obligated to go to an after-work event (especially since I already went to one).
How would you handle the situation? How do you get out of these kinds of events?
If I’m traveling I usually don’t mind, but if it becomes late I just say I’m tired and go back to the hotel. Which is true since usually when I travel for work it’s too many timezones away, so I’m zombified very early and it shows.
That being said one time there was a local celebration during working hours, we all went to the pub, we were having beers and snacks when 18h rolls over and I stand up, say my goodbyes and start to leave, most just wave me and that was that, but one of those extremely social guys said “where do you think you’re going?” to which I replied “it’s 18h, work is over” as I was walking through the door. I could hear people laughing before the door was fully shut and no one cared one bit about it. Most people who enjoy those sort of things will enjoy them even if you’re not there, so don’t ruin your day and your sleep to try to please others.