Hello,

So I’m with this guy for the past 4 ish months now, he’s so sweet and the best guy I’ve ever met. I usually don’t fall / catch feelings because I’m so traumatized of my past with my ex and male figures in my life but I fell so hard for him. We both really like each and want to make it work. We spoke two days ago in person (he was visiting for work) and he felt bad because he mentioned he might not be able to offer me as much attention and time being so far and with his work but I told him it’s okay. Hes only gone for 11 months but i really want to make this work but I’m so scared of being hurt.

I know this is toxic but sometimes I do look through his following list and I saw he liked this girls posts but I don’t care. He was following this girl who post thirst pics or whatever but I actually told him about it and how I felt and he was so caring and understanding and he unfollowed. I wouldn’t want someone liking a girls picture and I wouldn’t do the same (I guess that’s just a boundary of mine)… after I saw the other post which was literally just a girl posing nothing bad no cleavage nothing, I’m not sure why I got upset. I didn’t tell him but I did tell him that it will be a boundary of mine to like opposite genders posts unless it’s like celebrating or something good and he agreed, he also stated he wouldn’t want me liking a guys post. I don’t see a point to it. So that’s out the way and sorted. Part of me is still worried, I know I’m being dramatic but I’m not sure why it makes me sick to my stomach when I see stuff like that. I am a bit insecure yeah and I’m working on it but my ex used to tell me he would watch girls twerking and compare me to them to my face so I feel like I’ve always been compared my whole life. I told him this and he understood me 100%. He’s the best and I don’t want to lose him.

Ok anyways my main concern is how lonely I will be. I feel depressed pretty often but I try to hide it and I do a good job, I like to make people laugh and I seem like a bubbly person when I’m around you but sometimes I just feel really alone. It is really really hard when I like him so much and we won’t be seeing each other for 6 or more weeks, it hurts so much. He left yesterday and I’m already hurting and thinking of how I will kill time. I am in school but my schedule is still not that busy. I have attachment anxiety too and I’m always worried someone will get bored/leave me. He knows this. He’s very respectful and caring. We both care a lot for each other which is why I need to fix my shit because I don’t want to ruin anything. I am sad when he’s gone but I’d also be sad if he’s gone forever. How do I work through my insecurities/fear and be stable without being able to see him often? I really need advice. I only have one main friend I don’t hang out with anyone else so that’s why I feel a bit lonely :/

I just want to know how I can get over this caring about social media because I hate it. I know it doesn’t mean anything but I need to know how to stop this cycle too.

  • @owenfromcanadaEnglish
    2•9 hours ago

    Hey there! I did long distance for years, it’s definitely tough. But it sounds like you recognize a bunch of things that you want to improve upon, which is great!

    If you have the means, I recommend seeing a counselor or therapist. They have the resources to help you work through your past trauma with your ex (which sounds like it’s definitely part of your anxieties). If you don’t have the means, there are still some things you can do.

    First is having some sort of target in mind. For example, you could picture yourself in a better and (mentally) healthier state–confident and happy with yourself as a person. That doesn’t mean you never feel sad or miss people, but it’s not your default state. As another mentioned, getting yourself out and making friends outside of your relationship is a great step toward this.

    And that might involve some self-examination–what are you passionate about? What drives you? What kind of thing leaves you feeling satisfied and full, even if you’re exhausted? If there are any things you can get involved in socially in that vein, you’re likely to meet people that are easy to become friends with, and build a life and self-image that may or may not include a significant other (but doesn’t depend on them).

    Again, a counselor or therapist can help a lot more with this, so I recommend that if it’s an option.