I am dating someone who is 33 years older than me. I know a lot of people have strong opinions about that, so I’m happy to answer any questions anyone may have and will try to answer them as honestly as I possibly can.
I am dating someone who is 33 years older than me. I know a lot of people have strong opinions about that, so I’m happy to answer any questions anyone may have and will try to answer them as honestly as I possibly can.
Are you a female dating a man 33 years older? How old are you? Do you find energy to do things the biggest hurdle?
My partner is 8 years older than me, and I can see the energy level being the biggest difference.
Yes, I am female and my partner is male. I’m 22, he’s 55. Sometimes the energy level can be a bit of challenge. But he’s often very energetic for his age and I can definitely be more mellow sometimes. But there is definitely a difference, yes.
What will you do when he is in a retirement home, but you still have decades left in your career?
I will hopefully continue to love and support him. A lot of people have already said to me the “easy for you to say now” thing in response. And it is easy for me to say now to be fair. But it is genuinely how I feel. Deteriorating health is something every couple has to deal with because we’re all people. And it happens at different stages in everyone’s life. Even if he was my age and was diagnosed with something terminal I still would want to be there for him.
Have you talked to older women in similar relationships? If you’re going down this path, I would strongly encourage you to find and sit down for long chats with women who have done exactly what you’re intending now.
Also, he has been on this Earth for quite a long time. How many women has he dated that are the same age as him? If none, that is a giant red flag. People generally only date people much younger then them if they either are pedophiles or if they have some deep fundamental personality flaws. It can be easier to hide these flaws from someone much younger than yourself than its is to hide them from someone your same age. Have you run a background check on this guy, are you sure he hasn’t been arrested at some point for inappropriate relationships with children? Because if he likes 22 year olds when he’s 55, what ages was he after when he was in his 30s? Even if he’s not a literal pedophile, what makes you think he won’t dump you as soon as you turn 30 and are no longer “young enough”? The guy is 55. He clearly likes women in their early 20s. And you will not be in your early 20s for long.
Every couple does have to deal with deteriorating health, but realistically, the vast majority of couples have decades of healthy life from their early days til old age. Yes, in rare cases, someone will get cancer in their 30s. But you are not merely starting a relationship with the chance that your partner will have severe health issues while you are still very young. You are guaranteeing that outcome. You two will never enjoy the same decades of healthy life together. Instead of the years of infirmity being the tail end of your time together, you guarantee that it will be the vast majority of your time together.
There is a good reason that this type of relationship is frowned upon. There’s usually a very unhealthy power dynamic going on. The older person is usually using their experience, intellect, and wealth to manipulate a younger person who may not have the life experience to see the dark personality traits and deep flaws inherent in the older person. They date a younger person simply because the younger person is less experienced at recognizing and weeding out the truly sick and depraved souls among us.
Maybe you can make it work, but do try to apply some critical thinking here. I know if you’re in the chemical love stage, where you’re absolutely smitten, it’s easy to ignore the flaws. But in most every case, if there is an older guy willing and looking to date someone that young, then there is something very, very wrong with them.
Whatever you do, if you do reach marriage, do not sign a prenup with this guy. He’s asking you to put your whole life on the line for him. It’s only natural that in turn, he should put all his fortune on the line. If he really thinks a 22 year old is worthy to be a complete life partner for a 55 year old, then you should inherit every penny of his after he passes. You’re going to have to make sacrifices in your career to take care of him when he is infirm. He should not expect a prenup if he is expecting that kind of commitment from someone so young.
I would suggest talking to him about this now. Ask him his opinion of marriage, finances, and shared assets. Something tells me he will expect you to give your whole life up for his old ass, but he won’t be willing to extend his finances with the same completeness.
We’ve been together for 2.5 years now and have conversations about our future all the time! We have the same goals for this relationship and talk about our future in what I consider to be a very realistic way.
As long as you have a good connection and you don’t float into “this old man is boring! I want to go out and party” blah blah. I mean he might join you, which is fine too. Really, your call here.
Adults can adult how they want. I would say my biggest concern is children. Before I go on. Does he have kids of his own from previous marriage?
He does. I know them well and they all have a lovely family
That’s good, well you don’t really have to worry about having kids then! Good luck to you! Sounds like you’re happy, and that’s all that really matters!