As the UK marks the fifth anniversary of the COVID-19 outbreak, and significant portion of the population solemnly reflects on lost loved ones, a much louder, considerably dimmer contingent has seized the moment to once again declare the entire thing a hoax.

A surprisingly number of below average intelligence citizens appear to blissfully ignorant of the more than 200,000 UK deaths, as well as the rather inconvenient fact that they saw hospitals overflowing with their own eyes.

“It’s all just a big scam, mate,” confirmed Simon Williams, 47, an unemployed YouTube researcher from Essex who once failed a GCSE science exam, but now considers himself deeply informed on virology.