Speaking as someone else who survived an emotionally abusive relationship years ago (with gaslighting so successful that I had to start secretly recording our conversations on my phone to make sure they really happened the way I remembered and not the different story she would tell me later), successfully cut my ex out of my life and worked on myself, and am now happily in a truly wonderful and healthy marriage to an amazing person, congratulations on getting out.
It’s an ongoing process. Therapy helps, as does a truly understanding partner.
When I started dating again, my past crappy experience ended up contributing to my now-wife and I hitting it off so well:
We both happened to have been through Some Shit before as these things go.
We shared understanding and sympathy about what it’s like to be manipulated and treated poorly by toxic people.
We were both confident about what we were and were not interested in, and were comfortable asserting ourselves about our own needs as well as listening and accommodating one another’s.
We were also both living independently and staying afloat on our own, so if our dating didn’t work out ending the relationship wouldn’t have cost either of us our home/job/etc. (In my abusive situation this had not been the case.)
You’re not alone in having this sort of story.
Speaking as someone else who survived an emotionally abusive relationship years ago (with gaslighting so successful that I had to start secretly recording our conversations on my phone to make sure they really happened the way I remembered and not the different story she would tell me later), successfully cut my ex out of my life and worked on myself, and am now happily in a truly wonderful and healthy marriage to an amazing person, congratulations on getting out.
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It’s an ongoing process. Therapy helps, as does a truly understanding partner.
When I started dating again, my past crappy experience ended up contributing to my now-wife and I hitting it off so well: