Ok, I have no idea why this bothers me and I don’t even know what to call it. My husband is a “come here” guy. Something he thinks is interesting and wants to show me - hey, come here! Nuclear apocalypse - hey, come here! Why the hell wont he just tell me why he wants me to get up, trudge to wherever he is, so that he can reveal the surprise like some sort of performative art ? I never know if it’s going to be legitimate, a disaster, or something stupid. The walk to wherever he is is insanely stressful because the whole time I’m running through all possible horrible scenarios (we’ve had a lot of issues at the house lately so I never know if I’m going to find water in the basement or raccoons in the attic or a hole in my foundation, or just him looking at a funny cat video). I’d rather he say “hey, babe, something is happening wherever/whatever, come see this.” Instead I have to have the whole performance and reveal and I fucking hate it. Anyone else know what I’m talking about or am I just mental ?
I’ve heard other people complain about this behaviour. The problem is that your husband is extorting a reaction from you. You are obliged to generate the reaction, out of politeness and respect for his feelings. There is a cost attached to this performance that you are bearing but not really much of a reward. I know because I’m doing it to my wife and she hates it. My daughter is doing it to me and I hate it. I should stop but torturing her like this is fulfilling some dark corner of my mind.
What the fuck my dude?
Some people say this is one aspect of an attention deficit disorder. For more hilarious examples of the pathology, have a watch of What We Do In The Shadows.
I have adhd ironically. I don’t do this. Of course I have a lot of trauma from working a high stress job that requires an insane amount of executive function, plus I also do most things at home, and am the main wage earner so I spend my entire day in disaster/panic mode. By the time I’m finished all that the last thing I need is my eternally bored husband jump scaring me at random with this shit. Why can’t he just read a fucking book and entertain himself?
That sounds awful, I feel bad for making light of your situation. Your stress levels must be through the roof. You need to tackle this with him directly or you will burn yourself out. Perhaps do something differently at work? I dunno what your situation is but it doesn’t sound sustainable long term. One day you’re gonna come home, he will call you over to have a look at an epic raccoon video and you will rip his head off. He may think he’s trying to help.