So, a while ago, I (19NB/19F) have posted about this girl Nichole (18F). At the time, I was 18, and she 17. However, what happened is that there were personal stuff going on in my life and while I was so happy that Nichole liked me back and was DTF and all this stuff, I was too hung up on an old crush I was head over heels for, Karl (19M).
Karl has proven himself time and time again to be a bully who couldn’t treat me right even if I don’t know if he liked me that way, he probably just was using me when he flirted with me. So I moved on from him.
After one other girlfriend and I broke up, I fell for Nichole again, and she still liked me and was looking for a partner.
Well, I happen to be best friends with Max (20M). He is a year older than me. Way back in like sophomore year, we used to date when he was a girl and I was a boy. Now, I think I like him again, but I respect Nichole and Nichole is monogamous. I am not. I can be in polyamorous and monogamous relationships.
Nichole has recently been very depressed around me and I just want her to be happy and can’t take deep conversations or the drama. It just stresses me out and bothers me a whole lot.
Max and I have a very special friendship. He even has recently confessed feelings for me and been wanting to take me on dates. We still hang out without the official “boyfriend and girlfriend” title though because Nichole would be upset. Anyway, I have feelings for Max too and don’t quite know what to do with them.
We call every day for 4 hours, we just have that kind of friendship. I’ve even been having dreams of calling him and doing our usual stuff, but also cuddling, sleeping with him, giving him hickeys, etc. Stuff that I used to dream about with Nichole but not much with her anymore.
Truth be told, Nichole is HOT, but I love Max and his personality, and since he’s a more recent “crush” as a neurodivergent girl, I’m kind of “hyperfixated” on him. I get hyperfixations on people and Nichole used to be mine and while I still like her, now it’s Max who I fixate on.
Max and I always call for like 3-4 hours, maybe more, whereas I don’t even call Nichole because I’m too busy with Max. Recently, I’ve even slept over at his house, hung out with him, drank with him, and usually I fall asleep on the phone with him. We call them “long distance sleepovers”.
Nichole goes to bed really early though, like 8-9 while I go to bed at like midnight or later, so we never sleep on call. Nichole has talked to me about the whole thing, which I posted about before, and I answered her and then told her to stop talking about it, admittedly, because I didn’t want to deal with extra drama. But someone recently told her apparently, which she repeated to me, that someone who cares wouldn’t silence or dismiss her, but I do care and I don’t think that’s what I did.
If you know the anime trope “tsundere”, that’s kind of how Nichole is like now. Or rather, a “deretsun”. Normally, and at first, she acted “deredere” or sweet and lovestruck personalitywise, but then she became upset and super pissy and serious. I want the old Nichole back, not gonna lie. My Nikki.
But, again, I love my Maxmax too <3 He’s my best friend after all.
Nikki (the happy version of Nichole to you) isn’t “yours”, you apparently only like her when she isn’t mad or sad (which appears to also be your fault). You don’t like her or can’t engage with her when she feels bad. Her bad feeling is something you are causing by prioritizing this other person instead of her, you are literally emotionally torturing her by causing her to spiral deeper with your reaction to her feelings about this.
Your are hurting your partner by prioritizing this other relationship, if you are supposed to be monogamous, this is emotional cheating. You are ignoring when your partner is discussing these feeling with you because her bad feelings make you feel icky. You are refusing to even associate guilt with your own actions when you are entirely guilty.
Keeping this poor Nichole person around while you bounce around between hyperfixations is both selfish and cruel. Even it is her between these hyperfixations. You don’t have the capacity to do the after care required to maintain her sanity while you emotionally cheat on her.
Please stop, stop torturing this person and end the relationship instead of ignoring them and pining for the person they are before YOU broke them.
I hope this is rage bait cause reading this ruined my day thinking about this poor Nichole person and what you are doing to them, and blaming them for in the replies.