• sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      3 days ago

      There is a part of me, a part of my brain or my thought patterns, that just got too fucking stoned once, and it never reverted, never fully went back to sober.

      … That’s my attempt at explaining… whatever it is I wrote up there, lol.

      Permafried, but semi-rehabilitated.

      • TheOneAndOnly
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        3 days ago

        There are a lot of well documented cases of very successful creative types who fit that bill. That it came from your head, presumably, without a lot of effort is the point worth paying attention to. 😉

        • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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          3 days ago

          Shame that quite a lot of the time when I speak my mind, people hate it.

          Part of how I can ‘do’ that is that I tend to be pretty accurate at cutting to the functional core of what makes some concept tick, and well, a lot of people have really thin skin and big egos, and don’t appreciate being told, in considerable detail, the various ways in which they are full of shit, sre hypocrites.

          … So thats the other side of the double edged sword, you could say.

          Spontaneous idea generation?

          Concept association/relation?

          Meet ‘no filter’.

          • TheOneAndOnly
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            2 days ago

            I am lucky, I guess, in that I have had a core group of very close friends for almost all of my several decades on this planet. With them…I sugar coat nothing. I pull no punches. To do so would run counter to both who I am, and who they expect me to be. Further…I expect no less from them.

            Anyone outside of my circle needs some time to get it… Or they don’t get inside.

            My point being, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that behavior as long as it’s genuine, comes from a place of love, and isn’t just, “Look how edgy I can be”-type bullshit.

            • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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              2 days ago

              I had a core group once.

              They’re the ones that convinced me to get too stoned that one time, and then other times.

              It broke my filter.

              They did not like unfiltered me.

              Fuck me, I guess, oh well.

              At least I’m genuienly very very ok with being mostly a loner/introvert, that was always true about me.

              I don’t need or miss other people. I don’t need their adulation, I don’t need to be constantly solving problems they cause, usually by doing the opposite of what I told them when they asked me for help previously.

              But yeah, its not… trying to be lol xd random edgy annoying.

              Its more like just not being able to not see things that most people don’t, or, in some level of their subconcious, are aware of, but are very insecure about.

              • TheOneAndOnly
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                1 day ago

                Yeah, I get that. Learning people have blind spots they don’t like being called on, regardless of whether they’re aware of them, was a hard lesson for me. My instinct is to “help”. Most folk know their own brand of bullshit, though, and just want someone to say, “Man…that sucks!”, and move on. I have a hard time with that, still.

                • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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                  1 day ago

                  Same here brother/sister/whathaveyou, same here.

                  Perhaps ironically, that does somewhat loop around into humor as coping mechanism:

                  Look at em go!

                  Ain’t gonna end well, but, look at 'em go!

                  Like uh, watching a car crash, that you’re pretty sure is gonna happen.

                  Kinda macabre or dark, but, well, c’est la vie.