So, me, (22F), my fiancée Aiko (monogamous but supports me, 23F) and my boyfriend Will (23NB but he/they pronouns) are all in an open relationship. Will is also dating this guy Dave (26M) for 2 months, while we have been dating for like 4 months. We are seeing how it goes, but I have one problem.
While I get that Dave is new to him and all that, they always sleep over, play video games, etc. and Will never invites me to do that stuff with him, only Dave and Will invite each other. It’s a good thing I have Aiko to do that stuff with, but I mean, come on. I wanna spend time with Will too.
And I’ve even told him that and how I don’t like how he leaves me on “delivered” or “seen” for hours, and he just says “Oh, sorry!” or “I’m just busy” or “I’m just depressed”, so then I don’t bring it up again because he has a reason to do so and I feel petty.
Here’s the thing: He’s usually doing this, and he doesn’t do this often to Dave, just me. He always spams Dave and freaks out when he doesn’t respond, and while Will likes me, he couldn’t care less if I responded to him or not.
He says because Dave has been treating him badly, that he’s done with men, but he clearly likes men more or at least Dave more than me.
The lack of attention is something I have seen mentioned in a lot of poly conversations. Seems like someone is always getting neglected because there’s just too much division of time. I wish you the best and remember that your wants and needs are important in any relationship you get into.
Yeahhh, some people have made it work, others not. I just wish he’d pay more attention to me at least a bit, but later I feel bad because he says he’s either depressed or too busy or he’s spending time with Dave. He’s entirely devoted to that man.
Sounds like he’s not made you a priority and that his priorities are clear. You’re young so best to move forward and find what you need.
Thanks. I will probably break up if he doesn’t stop, but then he kisses me and acts attentive when he sees me (barely)
That’s a trap/cycle that is easy to fall into. It sounds like you’re aware though. If you need both the virtual when you are apart and the physical when you are together, be absolutely clear in that to him. If he can’t do both, then it’s time to move on. Sounds like you have one supportive and attentive partner regardless of what happens with the one that doesn’t respond to you.
Yeah, you’re right. I will try to tell him again if he listens and tell him the full thing on how I feel but I’m afraid he’ll be angry at me. My friend is convinced he’s perfect for me and that he absolutely loves me (she’s an eternal optimist)
Is your friend that thinks he’s perfect for you involved in any other way? Is she witness to your interactions? You’re welcome to message me to continue the conversation if you’d like. Or not, just giving the option if you don’t want to put additional information publicly.
Hmm, not really, she just knows from what I’ve mentioned.
Seems odd that she would have strong positive opinions if you aren’t having a positive experience. Why are you afraid that he’ll be angry?