“The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves. If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on patriarchal men to enact rituals of power that will assault his self-esteem.”
That bell hooks quote was the one that made me realize that feminism wasn’t just about bringing women into equality with men, but about protecting everyone from the violence of patriarchy.
This.
Whilst traditional gender normes are hurting everyone (“be a man”, “smile more”) I really don’t feel that “patriarchy” and it’s evident undertone of finger pointing are the main cause.
I’d go even further and say that what people call “patriarchy” is really more of an emergent phenomenon coming from those underlying gender normes.