Highly specific question, I know.
When people compliment me, I genuinely don’t know what to do. It feels like they’ve given me a physical object, and I’m just standing there holding it awkwardly, but I don’t know what to do with it.
Complements and praise does nothing for me emotionally, so I just say “thank you”; in the same way you thank a kid that handed you a rock they found on the ground.
Like, I appreciate the sentiment — as in, I know they’re trying to be nice or something, so it doesn’t bother me. It’s just one of many small things that makes social stuff a bit harder. For example, I probably don’t give out any complements to other people, because it doesn’t occur to me as an important thing to do. I’m sure this has many effects in my life I’m not aware of.
I agree with this 100%.
The best compliments I have received, the things I remember and carry with me, are things people have said about me in other contexts.
For example, when I got my diagnosis the psychologist noted that my mood was “euthymic” for my in-person testing. I have always prided myself on my stability and emotional balance, so to see that in a clinical evaluation felt really good.
Another example: my best friend found out, shortly after he broke up with her, that his ex-gf was pregnant. She offered him a choice: stay as a friend and support the child, or leave and never hear from either of them again. I was trying to convince him to stay. That the child would be 50% him, that I would be right there with him to help and support him. He said “I don’t think I can. I’m not strong like you.” He was crying. That was the last time I ever saw him.
That was by far the best compliment I have ever received, because of the context. He wasn’t trying to flatter me or butter me up. He wasn’t trying to cheer me up and finding something to say. It really wasn’t about me at all, and that’s what made it so genuine.
Yeah, when people notice where you are putting your efforts. That’s really all that matters for the feel-good aspect of compliments.