I really want James Hoffmann to watch me make my morning coffee, with a 10yr old basic espresso machine that was only bought because it was on sale, and has had 100s of citric acid flushes virtually dissolve the inner workings.

I want to see him wince as I load a full hopper of Costco’s ‘cheapest this week’ beans into my grinder, that was on sale and kinda matched the colour of the coffee machine, and grind them at the medium setting because meh!

Use the double ended plastic scoop and tamp which came with the machine, to load it sloppily into the basket with a single high pressure hole underneath. Press the go button with the water that’s been sitting the machine since Friday.

Finally I let the water just run through the coffee as I blast past espresso and lungo to make a full mug with just enough room for a splash of milk, and maybe some flavoured syrup.

Perfect!