Hi all.

Before getting in to this, I know this may be a really bizarre thing to be worked up about. In fact, maybe I’ll go ahead and say it definitely is. But I still can’t help but feeling a bit anxious and worried.

I do not know how much this has to do with my autism or if i’m just a chronic worrier.

I was banned from reddit last week and I’ve been really uneasy since. Since I was getting really fed up with Reddit anyway, I’m not devastated from that alone. I’m a bit bummed out, admittedly, but its probably because I’ve been on reddit most every day for years on end, so to suddenly lose access is quite jarring.

Supposedly I broke rule 3. It says you cannot share sexualized images of people without their consent. I would go to a NSFW reddit sometimes to share images of adult actresses. They were always some of the more popular people in the industry, and I always thought I was posting freely available things. As far as permissible NSFW content on Reddit, this would have been the most permissible sort.

But I believe one of the images I shared ended up being from OF. I just thought it was fine since it appeared to be available with a simple google search of the person’s name. And I’m not entirely sure if this is what happened, but it’s my best guess. Unless someone just had it out for me, but I doubt it. I did indeed discover that this person mostly does social media stuff, and not commercial material. She’s a very popular person too, so I was careless and assumed any material I found was fine. If this is in fact the case, I won’t try to argue against it. I messed up.

But I can’t let this go for some reason. I still have the message I got burned into my mind like I’ve done something highly egregious. Not to mention I did appeal, and it was denied. That first night I couldn’t sleep hardly. The second, I slept worse. I’ sleep way better now and can get through most of the day without thinking about it. But it still pops in to my mind here and there.

I keep scanning every moment of the past few weeks when I was posting stuff for any memory of something I should be punished for to justify me feeling this way. I know for a fact that none of what I shared was illegal in and of itself. I think it was just the one post possibly being material behind a paywall.

Sorry for the long post. Has anyone dealt with this? Like, guilty feelings that you can’t escape? Is what I did really, really bad? Like I said at the very beginning, I know this is a bizarre thing to get worked up about, but it’s bugging me all the same. How guilty should I be feeling over this?