My wife and I have a baby and a toddler who take an absurd amount of energy every day, my wife and my family can’t stand each other, so I effectively don’t have an immediate family, but the catch is my wife is not a nice person.
So I’ve given up my family for a person who is rude, demanding, impatient, doesn’t show empathy, and is extremely controlling, but shows a nice face to everyone else.
The thought of divorce makes me sick to my stomach because of how difficult of a process it is, trying to explain all the changes to my toddler, how much harder solo parenting is, and being in a marriage and a home had a ton of financial and practical benefits, but I’m just so tired and lonely and sad.
I’m in therapy and we’re in couples therapy, but she started pulling away the first time the therapist challenged her so I don’t have any hope for genuine change.
It’s just a Groundhog day of exhaustion, loneliness, and misery, and the only person left in my life i could lean on is at the core of the problems. I’m not going to kill myself, but things are so dark right now.
A nasty, ongoing custody battle is one of my worst nightmares, because that means things are so bad, she’s using the one, major lever she’d have left to use on me, and it’d be effective for decades
Your kids will be happier if you are happier. Mine were used against me and it was awful. If you wait, she could use that against you
2 young kids is very very stressful. If she isn’t willing to meet you anywhere, then that might be the clarity that things won’t work out. And that’s ok
I know that everything points that way, i just don’t know if it’s possible, especially now when we’re already barely above water with our schooling and the kids
It sounds like your immediate family becomes available if she’s not in the picture. One thing that has completely changed my view - having time off from your kids is a gift. You get time to regroup and be the parent you want to be. It sucks not being there 100% of the time at first and is definitely an adjustment, but it makes a huge difference.