My wife and I have a baby and a toddler who take an absurd amount of energy every day, my wife and my family can’t stand each other, so I effectively don’t have an immediate family, but the catch is my wife is not a nice person.

So I’ve given up my family for a person who is rude, demanding, impatient, doesn’t show empathy, and is extremely controlling, but shows a nice face to everyone else.

The thought of divorce makes me sick to my stomach because of how difficult of a process it is, trying to explain all the changes to my toddler, how much harder solo parenting is, and being in a marriage and a home had a ton of financial and practical benefits, but I’m just so tired and lonely and sad.

I’m in therapy and we’re in couples therapy, but she started pulling away the first time the therapist challenged her so I don’t have any hope for genuine change.

It’s just a Groundhog day of exhaustion, loneliness, and misery, and the only person left in my life i could lean on is at the core of the problems. I’m not going to kill myself, but things are so dark right now.

  • sneekee_snek_17OPEnglish
    51·
    2 months ago

    Regarding the psychotherapy and neurodivergence, that’s an issue actually. I believe that she’s well aware that many of her behaviors and impulses are unacceptable, but she can’t accept that she is the problem, so autism is used as a shield of sorts.

    Now, to be fair, I do agree she probably has it to some degree, like I can tell certain reactions she has when she’s surprised are not normal. But I also know that being, a domineering, mean person is not part of the ASD diagnostic criteria, and I know her well enough by now to tease the two apart.

      • sneekee_snek_17OPEnglish
        2·
        2 months ago

        It’s infuriating, because her being a researcher in the humanities/neurodivergence area, she has a wealth of knowledge on how to talk about neurodivergence and a person’s loved experiences vs other’s perception of it and all manner of conversational tactics that make it nearly impossible to get her to say “yeah that was pretty bitchy how I said that” or anything of that nature

        It’s always obfuscated and confusing