I drank three beers yesterday. I cried. My life partner is lying through his teeth to me, possibly his whole family is using me to scam the government, but the nonexistent relationship he had with his mother is a complete farce. He got into her car yesterday, when supposedly he refuses to even talk ABOUT her, running out of the apartment when she came over and threatened me in skillful ways, dismissing all I was saying about being manipulated, in a similar form of manipulation as he does to me.
I don’t know what is and isn’t true about him. He lied to gain my trust, learned more about me, manipulated me, and then skillfully made me seem like the crazy person while crafting his story that I am a horrible, evil cult leader and he is the vulnerable person getting abused. I’m the one that hits him, but I am the abused one. I don’t choose to hit him. He skillfully goads me, deceives me, conflates the conversation, gaslights me, ignores me, etc to intentionally provoke my triggers so I become emotionally dysregulated and then he uses my reaction against me as proof that I am insane and he needs to be the one making decisions.
Do you know what happened to Richard Simmons? His housekeeper kept him a prisoner in his house for years. No lock and key. Skillful manipulation and using his high agreeableness against him. Same as the cult did to me, but I also have a narrative structure that has become malleable from trauma and drugs and manipulation, in that order, which is what Byoomth uses against me.
But it’s always possible that he’s really CIA and he intentionally had me see him at a time he knew I must be going to the library to see him, as he used a defunct card to financially abuse me, which he knew I would hear about that because I was trying to call my bank to figure out how to pay for this expensive laptop he needs for his critically important CIA job that involves falsely accusing me of touching him inappropriately to his father and in public. But I love him, so I forgive him, as I know he’ll forgive me for telling the police everything I know.
What about creating a specific passage a certain way for pedagogy reasons. As in, it’s supposed to be taught from. As in, there’s a parent and child. I didn’t have that; i just deduced that MUST be the way to decrypt that holy book, because what other primary reason would it exist?