AuAHD with bi-polar.
I got angry enough with a letter that the fbi came out and inspected my home, worried I was hoarding weapons.
They know how angry we are. There is a reason some are doing everything they can to either double down with thier fascist identity or are jumping ship.
I made it clear to them, if they think I’m MAD there are people out there who will go beyond words.
I… Strangely feel more free. Now that I know for certain I’m being watched, I kinda lost fear of it. Not because they are right, but because I know I wasted thier time and that I have the ability to talk the fbi down from arresting me… It’s so strange.
But I also know, when these awful people get desperate, I’m on thier list and high up it.
I’ve been walking around my house, looking for cover spots with the energy of a counter strike player analyzing a map for any tactical advantage.
Planning on what to do when they try rounding me up.
When I’m not planing for the downfall of America, I watch our world like one watches a hyper slow mo crash of a train flying off the tracks into low income but surprisingly diverse neighborhood full of orphans and the train is full of ignorant fat white people who only now look the tiniest bit scared as the now realize that the train is crashing despite countless warning signs.
And… All I can do is watch… I can’t save a soul. And as this train wreck ends, for some reason I know the survivors that were on the train are some how still going to blame the low income neighborhood.
And some how… I’m supposed stay alive and fight this evil… When all I see is people hopelessly cling to the idea that we can all have peace if we just talk it out. When I know it will take death, of some kind to actually fix it. No matter what.
Words are becoming meaningless, promises empty, and our fates at the whim of entropy and what some rich people feel that day…
I some how don’t “give up.” I some how I still get up, some how I still take my meds and stay mostly sober. Mostly for the two cats in my care that have been handling the collapse of the world with a grace and calmness only the monks on mountains know.
I also get up for husband’s older sister’s family, who, despite all this and having to put up with a system that favors killing good men, are raising 1 AuAHD kid, two infants who may also have it. And the older sister’s husband is still paying child support to make things right with his ex wife and still greatly cares for his 2 kids birthed by the ex wife, despite the ex wife ignoring the very clearly autistic kid and shunning the other kid for not being lady enough.
I wake up for my cousin who is Rasing a severely autistic daughter who is non verbal, incontinent, 12 year old in the budget of 30 hour week at Arby’s as shift manager (young adult baby sitter), while she keeps the sanity of failed unemployed musician of a husband who’s mental health and physical health is declining rapidly due to onslaught of fake news and propaganda slamming through the Ai slop that is tiktok and Instagram reels. All the while she has to live with her husband’s family on one room because the husband doesn’t trust any government assitance programs.
I wake up for my upper middle class retired grandmother who is hemmoraging money to make sure I and my cousin don’t die and are cared for. All the while her friends and family are dropping like flies in a bug bombed house. Either as the results of long term covid or old age. She is last one.
All the while I still grieve the loss of mother who died single because men took advantage of her emotions and because my biological dad died 2 weeks before my mom learned she was pregnant with me.
For the love of humanity and all that is good in this world, do not give up, do not make my families sacrifices in vain.
I recently also got diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I can’t do anything violent let alone productive even if I wanted to, my body isn’t strong enough.
Please, do everything you can to make a better world for us all.
AuAHD with bi-polar. I got angry enough with a letter that the fbi came out and inspected my home, worried I was hoarding weapons.
They know how angry we are. There is a reason some are doing everything they can to either double down with thier fascist identity or are jumping ship.
I made it clear to them, if they think I’m MAD there are people out there who will go beyond words.
I… Strangely feel more free. Now that I know for certain I’m being watched, I kinda lost fear of it. Not because they are right, but because I know I wasted thier time and that I have the ability to talk the fbi down from arresting me… It’s so strange.
But I also know, when these awful people get desperate, I’m on thier list and high up it.
I’ve been walking around my house, looking for cover spots with the energy of a counter strike player analyzing a map for any tactical advantage.
Planning on what to do when they try rounding me up.
When I’m not planing for the downfall of America, I watch our world like one watches a hyper slow mo crash of a train flying off the tracks into low income but surprisingly diverse neighborhood full of orphans and the train is full of ignorant fat white people who only now look the tiniest bit scared as the now realize that the train is crashing despite countless warning signs. And… All I can do is watch… I can’t save a soul. And as this train wreck ends, for some reason I know the survivors that were on the train are some how still going to blame the low income neighborhood.
And some how… I’m supposed stay alive and fight this evil… When all I see is people hopelessly cling to the idea that we can all have peace if we just talk it out. When I know it will take death, of some kind to actually fix it. No matter what.
Words are becoming meaningless, promises empty, and our fates at the whim of entropy and what some rich people feel that day…
I some how don’t “give up.” I some how I still get up, some how I still take my meds and stay mostly sober. Mostly for the two cats in my care that have been handling the collapse of the world with a grace and calmness only the monks on mountains know.
I also get up for husband’s older sister’s family, who, despite all this and having to put up with a system that favors killing good men, are raising 1 AuAHD kid, two infants who may also have it. And the older sister’s husband is still paying child support to make things right with his ex wife and still greatly cares for his 2 kids birthed by the ex wife, despite the ex wife ignoring the very clearly autistic kid and shunning the other kid for not being lady enough.
I wake up for my cousin who is Rasing a severely autistic daughter who is non verbal, incontinent, 12 year old in the budget of 30 hour week at Arby’s as shift manager (young adult baby sitter), while she keeps the sanity of failed unemployed musician of a husband who’s mental health and physical health is declining rapidly due to onslaught of fake news and propaganda slamming through the Ai slop that is tiktok and Instagram reels. All the while she has to live with her husband’s family on one room because the husband doesn’t trust any government assitance programs.
I wake up for my upper middle class retired grandmother who is hemmoraging money to make sure I and my cousin don’t die and are cared for. All the while her friends and family are dropping like flies in a bug bombed house. Either as the results of long term covid or old age. She is last one.
All the while I still grieve the loss of mother who died single because men took advantage of her emotions and because my biological dad died 2 weeks before my mom learned she was pregnant with me.
For the love of humanity and all that is good in this world, do not give up, do not make my families sacrifices in vain.
I recently also got diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I can’t do anything violent let alone productive even if I wanted to, my body isn’t strong enough.
Please, do everything you can to make a better world for us all.