I have what I call the Feeling Things Meter. Meaning that in a certain period of time, about one to three days, I have a set amount of feelings I am allowed to feel. If I exceed the number of feelings and fill up the meter I blank out and get to feel nothing at all. I can feel the Meter filling up, and I know when I am about to exceed it.
This also applies to feelings from movies, shows, games books and music. So I have to carefully plan out my entertainment around life events as best I can.
As you can imagine it becomes incredibly hard to navigate adult life with no feelings. And not just the big feelings but the little ones too. No drive to go out and do the shopping. No satisfaction of completeing a task. No disappointment if I screw something up. Nothing.
No one else in my life has this, or anything close to it. Most people look at me like I’m a crazy person when I try to explain it. I’m always making excuses for not wanting to watch movies or shows with friends, or bailing when a sad song comes on.
Please, I just want to know someone else has this problem. Anyone. How do you cope? Do you even listen to music? Do you have to leave movies halfway through becuase you couldn’t take it?
I just want to know I’m not alone.
I have always thought of myself as a battery, and any interaction drains the battery. Big interaction of course take more juice than small things do. Sleeping and interests help to put some juice back into the battery, but if it’s been a big drain day/week I’m slow and my mind is almost sludgy until I can get some alone down time to recharge.
Edit - For me, upbeat/jammy music helps with the recharge or at least lowers the drain rate. Sad or emotional music uses juice though so I have skipped tunes before that I know are going to burn some of the reserve I can’t afford to allocate to them at that time.
I’d sleep 18 hours a day like a kitty if I could.
I’d swap lives with my cat without a second thought
The fun part is I don’t sleep more than like 5hrs, except the weekend when I stay up late and then sometimes sleep like 7hrs lol.