Agree it’s probably a harmful stereotype, I simply gave that as an example because it was an experience I had that kind of left me feeling used when it became clear over time what was happening. In that situation it wasn’t that I had set out a desire to police that person’s behavior but after observing it for a long time I felt like I was simply sacrificing from my family’s needs to enable behavior I didn’t agree with. Maybe it’s not my place to judge but we are talking about money I worked for and a decision I have to make about how best to use it. In this situation I decided it was better to use it to help my parents rather than that person. But that’s just one experience that I was generalizing to say maybe this is a part of the answer to your question, idk.

These sorts of mental equations are often under the surface when people have to decide things in the moment and it’s not always a clear, explicit chain of thoughts that leads up to the decision to help in one scenario but not another.