Lebanon on Tuesday became the first Middle East country to formally abolish the death penalty. Lebanon had not carried out an execution since 2004.
Archived version: https://archive.is/newest/https://www.france24.com/en/middle-east/20260811-lebanon-becomes-first-middle-eastern-country-to-abolish-death-penalty
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Personally speaking I’d rather live with a chance of proving my innocence than die. I suspect most people would feel the same.
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I mean this in the most caring way I can. That way you describe things reminds me of an ex I had that had suicidal thoughts and tendencies.
I’m not saying your case is similar, but staying alive just because there is a feeling of letting people down if you don’t, was a red flag that helped my ex get into therapy and eventually a medication that improved their life.
Just a thought. Healthy brains don’t generally don’t wish for death, only holding back due to guilt. In the case of my ex it was a chemical imbalance that was able to be fixed.
Again not saying this is the case for you. But the way you talk here really reminded me of some important talks I had with someone going through a very particular mental health situation.