I grew up when having your father beat the shit out of you was considered normal. I had it constantly until I had such anxiety I’d get tunnel vision at the thought someone might be unhappy with me.
You don’t sound like a person dealing with trauma in any sort of healthy way. I hope you’re getting actual ongoing psychiatric help and aren’t just self diagnosing.
I did when I was younger and when I said all types of abuse that includes sexual, I could deal with the beatings my maternal grandmothers family all but revals in it the rape though not so much. As for ongoing help, fuck no. I hit a wall over a decade ago, now I just fantasies about crucifying random assholes with power even the dead ones. Frankly I’ve had multiple psychs look at my records and talk to me only to be surprised at how functional I am, according to them the only obvious signs are down to my twitchyness and control issues.
Your brain is damaged from extensive childhood trauma (like so many others including me).
Medications. They are awful, it’s true. You’ll probably have to go through a few different kinds, but when it works you’ll know immediately. It’s like flipping a light switch.
Like all meds, there are good and bad side effects, nothing in life is free. But, I can tell you, from one very damaged individual to another, they can provide you some relief for a time. That’s really the very best you can hope for. If you ever want a break from the horror, try it, friend.
I get refusing to take them though, 100%. But every one has their limitations.
It’s a scar like any other sometimes it itches and sometimes it burns but most of the time it’s just a bit of tightness of flesh. Meds don’t work since they either interact badly with the autism, the trauma, or my inate drug resistance, there was one drug I was prescribed as a kid which just didn’t work and the dosage that wouldve been required would’ve resulted in an OD.
I’ve made a sort of peace if my hatred starts to burn hot enough I disconnect put on some Credence and ride my motorcycle. Used to be my truck but gas is expensive so now it’s a motorcycle.
I grew up when having your father beat the shit out of you was considered normal. I had it constantly until I had such anxiety I’d get tunnel vision at the thought someone might be unhappy with me.
You don’t sound like a person dealing with trauma in any sort of healthy way. I hope you’re getting actual ongoing psychiatric help and aren’t just self diagnosing.
I did when I was younger and when I said all types of abuse that includes sexual, I could deal with the beatings my maternal grandmothers family all but revals in it the rape though not so much. As for ongoing help, fuck no. I hit a wall over a decade ago, now I just fantasies about crucifying random assholes with power even the dead ones. Frankly I’ve had multiple psychs look at my records and talk to me only to be surprised at how functional I am, according to them the only obvious signs are down to my twitchyness and control issues.
Your brain is damaged from extensive childhood trauma (like so many others including me).
Medications. They are awful, it’s true. You’ll probably have to go through a few different kinds, but when it works you’ll know immediately. It’s like flipping a light switch.
Like all meds, there are good and bad side effects, nothing in life is free. But, I can tell you, from one very damaged individual to another, they can provide you some relief for a time. That’s really the very best you can hope for. If you ever want a break from the horror, try it, friend.
I get refusing to take them though, 100%. But every one has their limitations.
It’s a scar like any other sometimes it itches and sometimes it burns but most of the time it’s just a bit of tightness of flesh. Meds don’t work since they either interact badly with the autism, the trauma, or my inate drug resistance, there was one drug I was prescribed as a kid which just didn’t work and the dosage that wouldve been required would’ve resulted in an OD.
I’ve made a sort of peace if my hatred starts to burn hot enough I disconnect put on some Credence and ride my motorcycle. Used to be my truck but gas is expensive so now it’s a motorcycle.