Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com to Political Memes · 5 days agoMost Dangerous Jobslemmy.dbzer0.comimagemessage-square96linkfedilinkarrow-up1452arrow-down110file-textcross-posted to: [email protected]
arrow-up1442arrow-down1imageMost Dangerous Jobslemmy.dbzer0.comViking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com to Political Memes · 5 days agomessage-square96linkfedilinkfile-textcross-posted to: [email protected]
minus-squareraspberriesareyummylinkfedilinkarrow-up3arrow-down1·5 days agoless pronouns, more well-defined references please. I had to read that last paragraph three times before I understood who you meant by “They”.
minus-squareKatana314linkfedilinkEnglisharrow-up5·5 days agoThanks for the feedback. Been working on creative writing recently, and it helps to know when my attempts at brevity are making things unclear.
minus-squareraspberriesareyummylinkfedilinkarrow-up3·5 days agoYou’re welcome, “the assailant” is much more clear now :) (I mean - as clear as it could be)
less pronouns, more well-defined references please. I had to read that last paragraph three times before I understood who you meant by “They”.
Thanks for the feedback. Been working on creative writing recently, and it helps to know when my attempts at brevity are making things unclear.
You’re welcome, “the assailant” is much more clear now :) (I mean - as clear as it could be)