This kind of thing is why I rarely offer any advice or correction at work anymore unless it’s a safety issue. If you stop someone from doing something dumb and wasteful before it happens, you’re the asshole. Once they’ve screwed up all on their own, they’re much more receptive to some patiently explained lesson based in experience, as long as you’re kind and delicate. It can be hard to step back and not get immediately involved, especially when I know I’m going to have to deal with the fallout. I’m happy to drop everything and help anyone that asks, but they always get the introductory “Forgive me if I (because I probably will) tell you something obvious that you already know.” Now I’m not the know-it-all asshole people are afraid to cross, I’m the laid back know-it-all that gets excited when people come to me with questions.
It is a constant struggle though.
It also involves waiting and really listening when people talk tangentially about something you have some weird interest in. The whole “me too! Let me add…” attitude is more often seen as mansplaining or one-upsmanship than sharing excitement. People don’t usually that care what things you know unless they explicitly ask.
That’s actually a really good tip! I still get criticised all the time for apparently trying to one-up everyone else and hog all the attention, and I’ve never been able to figure out how to prevent it. Maybe I need to point more focus into how I’m expressing a shared interest in something, because I definitely go to a “me too! Let me add…” approach by default.
This kind of thing is why I rarely offer any advice or correction at work anymore unless it’s a safety issue. If you stop someone from doing something dumb and wasteful before it happens, you’re the asshole. Once they’ve screwed up all on their own, they’re much more receptive to some patiently explained lesson based in experience, as long as you’re kind and delicate. It can be hard to step back and not get immediately involved, especially when I know I’m going to have to deal with the fallout. I’m happy to drop everything and help anyone that asks, but they always get the introductory “Forgive me if I (because I probably will) tell you something obvious that you already know.” Now I’m not the know-it-all asshole people are afraid to cross, I’m the laid back know-it-all that gets excited when people come to me with questions.
It is a constant struggle though.
It also involves waiting and really listening when people talk tangentially about something you have some weird interest in. The whole “me too! Let me add…” attitude is more often seen as mansplaining or one-upsmanship than sharing excitement. People don’t usually that care what things you know unless they explicitly ask.
That’s actually a really good tip! I still get criticised all the time for apparently trying to one-up everyone else and hog all the attention, and I’ve never been able to figure out how to prevent it. Maybe I need to point more focus into how I’m expressing a shared interest in something, because I definitely go to a “me too! Let me add…” approach by default.