I just noticed this weird one where i feel like im incapable of juggling multiple things at once, like instead of slowly chipping away at multiple efforts in parallel (not literally at the same time a la multitasking), i feel like everything has to be sequential even if they could all technically be gradually achieved by breaking them down into manageable daily chunks with a firm shared deadline for all

Another I noticed reflecting over the past decade or so is i was up to my eyeballs in debt and working all the time without making a dent and my apartment was a dirty disaster full of bullshit and clutter and always the sink full of dishes, i kept thinking all that time when i get out of debt, when i have money, when i get things straightened for the millionth time, this and that, then i can start living. Whatever the hell that even means.

Starting to realize i need to figure out how to start living now. I dont have infinite time and the most important things to me like my cats and my health and a future thats actually sustainable and starkly different from how things have been so far, i feel like im constantly failing to nourish and plant the correct seeds I need to broadcast long-term

All those initial bindings are technically gone but my life still feels cold and barren and precarious. Like comimg out of a mental prison after all this time, i hardly know what to do with myself

    • ChonkyOwlbear
      5·
      29 days ago

      The big one is my career. I was an environmental geologist. I cleaned up petroleum contaminated sites. That’s at least in theory. The reality was that all I did was help big oil corporations free themselves of legal liability and not really clean up anything. I couldn’t do it anymore and now I work a service job that wastes my talents but doesn’t make the world worse.

      • cheese_greaterOP
        1·
        28 days ago

        Is there any way you could provide expert witness services for environmental organizations or something like that? I’m sorry to hear that man, its so much easier to just be a shithead unfortunately. We’ll all find out the fruits of that state of play quite soon anyway.

        So much fucking around with too little finding out