Hii

I just wanted to rant about social anxiety, and my experiences.

The context why I am making this post:

I managed to get someones contact details (discord, I asked), which I was proud of. My intent is to make some friends.

Today I sent them a message. They responded kindly, then i sent a message back. Aaand thats it. 3 messages.

They were kind, and kind while i was talking to them irl, but now im just so anxious that I said something wrong. That when they were talking to me irl they actually thought I was kinda fucking weird, and sent me their discord just out of kindness. I worry they just arent interested in being friends. Which is fine of course, but i still worry about it. I understand this is all anxiety, and dont take it as reality.

I am so used to people seeing me as weird. I recall a couple years ago, an older women, describing me as “weird, in the weirdest possible way”. That broke my fucking heart. I was trying to talk. I never said anything bad I think. I just, i just made conversation… and i was having such a good time.

I hate being seen as some creep. I hate being seen as a man. I want to be seen as the women minty! Not some creature people tolerate.

I say all that, but there has been a lot of nice people in my life. So not everyone views me like that.

I worry so much that the people at the bar I went to (look at my post history for context) view me like that older women, or all the other people that have said similar things to me. But they are nice, at least, so even if they do see me as weird, I appreciate them.

I really just want to be able to make some new friends. Some new friends to chat about whatever. Not that i dont have that, fortuntely, I just want to find people who reaaallly relate to me.

Honestly I need a solid months break from the world. Not that Ill do that, but i just wanna snooze and sleep. Im tired of all this.

Thanks for reading.

-Minty

  • Ciderpunk
    5·
    10 days ago

    I totally get where you’re coming from. I am often kept awake at night thinking of times from even decades ago when I thought a conversation was going well and out of nowhere someone snapped and suddenly was mad at me and I have no idea why it happened. I don’t have any idea what went wrong, all I know is that it did, and over many years of this I simply opt out of talking to people. It’ll go wrong at some point so why bother?

    I did want to provide some (hopefully) helpful context for the conversations that seem to trail off after initial interest. I personally am very easily overwhelmed by talking to people, even if I actively want to. I will often not have much to say in response when I am out of energy, which leads people to think I am upset at them or not interested in talking to them, and I know it contributes to other people’s anxieties. I have never found a socially acceptable way to tell people “I’m not up for this right now” that doesn’t make them get MORE upset than just not responding. I have no idea if that is what is happening to you, but I hope a little bit of perspective from the other side might help you.

    I hope this doesn’t come off as some kind of invalidation, because I definitely understand the feeling of wondering why someone suddenly seems to not want to talk to you, I just wanted to reassure you that it might not be anything you did and could just be all on the other side.

    • Minty@aussie.zoneOP
      3·
      10 days ago

      The not knowing what happened is the hardest part.

      And yes, I do get very tired. I crash relatively easily. I have actually said 'I am crashing right now. I think I’ll have to head home".

      It sucks I have to leave so early, but yeah, socialising wipes me out hard.