Hii

I just wanted to rant about social anxiety, and my experiences.

The context why I am making this post:

I managed to get someones contact details (discord, I asked), which I was proud of. My intent is to make some friends.

Today I sent them a message. They responded kindly, then i sent a message back. Aaand thats it. 3 messages.

They were kind, and kind while i was talking to them irl, but now im just so anxious that I said something wrong. That when they were talking to me irl they actually thought I was kinda fucking weird, and sent me their discord just out of kindness. I worry they just arent interested in being friends. Which is fine of course, but i still worry about it. I understand this is all anxiety, and dont take it as reality.

I am so used to people seeing me as weird. I recall a couple years ago, an older women, describing me as “weird, in the weirdest possible way”. That broke my fucking heart. I was trying to talk. I never said anything bad I think. I just, i just made conversation… and i was having such a good time.

I hate being seen as some creep. I hate being seen as a man. I want to be seen as the women minty! Not some creature people tolerate.

I say all that, but there has been a lot of nice people in my life. So not everyone views me like that.

I worry so much that the people at the bar I went to (look at my post history for context) view me like that older women, or all the other people that have said similar things to me. But they are nice, at least, so even if they do see me as weird, I appreciate them.

I really just want to be able to make some new friends. Some new friends to chat about whatever. Not that i dont have that, fortuntely, I just want to find people who reaaallly relate to me.

Honestly I need a solid months break from the world. Not that Ill do that, but i just wanna snooze and sleep. Im tired of all this.

Thanks for reading.

-Minty