I’m a 45 y/o man; I haven’t been diagnosed with autism, but my son has, and we’re both too similar for me not to be on the spectrum. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD close to ten years ago, though (again, like father like son). I was reheating something in the air fryer, and wasn’t paying attention enough to what I was doing, so my food fell on the floor. I (almost) completely lost it, total meltdown. Angry at myself, angry because I wasted food, and angry because I made a mess that I’d have to clean up. I somehow managed to keep myself from screaming and swearing, and just kinda clenched my whole body to redirect the explosion inside myself. Then I sat down on the floor a couple of minutes, almost in tears because of the intensity of the anger I felt and had to redirect somehow. Came close to crying, as stupid as it sounds. I’m a bit better, now, but I can’t help but feel embarrassed. I mean, I’m 45 for crying out loud, why can’t I control myself over something so trivial as this? Yeah, it’s frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world… I guess I never had the opportunity to develop heathy ways to cope with strong emotions; it’s only been a year or two since I figured I was most probably autistic, so I never really learned how to deal with this. What I find the most frustrating is that I’m usually not an over-reactive person; I’m usually pretty calm even in stressful situations, but sometimes, I just snap. I’ve always hated spilling food, and always over-reacted when it happened, I can’t help it. It gets to my head instantly and the emotion just gets the better of me. I hate it. Being autistic has been a bit like a boon, in certain ways, for many reasons I won’t get into, but it’s also been such a liability in some circumstances… I don’t want to get too deep into how I am, that’s not really the point of my post. I just needed to vent to people who might have lived similar things, I guess. My gf has been so supportive and comprehensive towards me (and my son), but she lacks the neuroflavour to totally understand. But really, she’s been so, so patient with me, and we’ve always worked together to try and bridge the gap between the way we interpret life, even before my self-diagnosis/revelation. Anyways, I guess that’s all I needed to say. Cheers.


I think you know this already, big dog, but you didn’t melt down destructively, and that’s the maturity in action.
I went through a similar ride yesterday making a batch of hot sauce; it even turned out great in the end, but I couldn’t enjoy myself because I felt guilty that I’d gotten flustered and angry in the kitchen.
It’s okay to be human, and you did good. Thanks for writing this.
Thank you for your comment, it means a lot.