I’m a 45 y/o man; I haven’t been diagnosed with autism, but my son has, and we’re both too similar for me not to be on the spectrum. I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD close to ten years ago, though (again, like father like son). I was reheating something in the air fryer, and wasn’t paying attention enough to what I was doing, so my food fell on the floor. I (almost) completely lost it, total meltdown. Angry at myself, angry because I wasted food, and angry because I made a mess that I’d have to clean up. I somehow managed to keep myself from screaming and swearing, and just kinda clenched my whole body to redirect the explosion inside myself. Then I sat down on the floor a couple of minutes, almost in tears because of the intensity of the anger I felt and had to redirect somehow. Came close to crying, as stupid as it sounds. I’m a bit better, now, but I can’t help but feel embarrassed. I mean, I’m 45 for crying out loud, why can’t I control myself over something so trivial as this? Yeah, it’s frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world… I guess I never had the opportunity to develop heathy ways to cope with strong emotions; it’s only been a year or two since I figured I was most probably autistic, so I never really learned how to deal with this. What I find the most frustrating is that I’m usually not an over-reactive person; I’m usually pretty calm even in stressful situations, but sometimes, I just snap. I’ve always hated spilling food, and always over-reacted when it happened, I can’t help it. It gets to my head instantly and the emotion just gets the better of me. I hate it. Being autistic has been a bit like a boon, in certain ways, for many reasons I won’t get into, but it’s also been such a liability in some circumstances… I don’t want to get too deep into how I am, that’s not really the point of my post. I just needed to vent to people who might have lived similar things, I guess. My gf has been so supportive and comprehensive towards me (and my son), but she lacks the neuroflavour to totally understand. But really, she’s been so, so patient with me, and we’ve always worked together to try and bridge the gap between the way we interpret life, even before my self-diagnosis/revelation. Anyways, I guess that’s all I needed to say. Cheers.

  • CluelessCalls
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    23 days ago

    I’m 40 and I’ve always had similar issues. Just the other day I stumbled upon some interesting information about autism, and went down the rabbit hole. Turns out I meet the diagnostic criteria of the DSM5. Not an official diagnosis but I’m in a similar boat as you.

    I dont know if this is useful, but it I perceive it will be easier to strategize around some well defined autistic traits and behaviors than a frustratingly vague acceptance than I’m simply emotionally immature.

    Anyway, thanks for the post. Sorry nda like you controlled yourself quite well, just don’t forget that you need an outlet for that anger. Swallowing it will cost you.

    • nowherelordOP
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      23 days ago

      I guess you’re right; this anger is part of me, swallowing it will only make things worse. I need to tell myself that at least I’m not expressing it in a toxic or destructive way.