This is a repost made by a human (hello!)

Original Boru by: u/Direct-caterpillar77 post here.

I am not the OOP.

OOP is: u/scootscooty

trigger warning

Body shaming, fat phobia, ableism, gaslighting

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Original Post:

Oct 29, 2014

I hurt my foot/ankle about a week ago at the gym during some stupid class. I can barely stand on it, walking is hard. I haven’t gotten crutches, just one of those stupid huge foot brace things, and it isn’t helping all the way. Nonetheless I have to go about my daily routine, correct? So bf and I went shopping yesterday. I was doing the hop-along with the cart while I read off the list and he grabbed stuff for us.

A store worker saw me and told me that she could grab one of the scooters for me. My boyfriend turned around and said “that’s not necessary,” but we still had a while to go, and I wasn’t getting far, so I said sure. He started getting annoyed and when she was gone, he asked me what I was doing. I said we’d get things done faster if I was just in the scooter thing.

The whole rest of the time, he would barely look at me or acknowledge that I was there. As far as I could tell, nobody was even looking at us. Except maybe one little girl in her mom’s shopping cart who pointed and was like “Mom, she has a big owie.”

When we finally finished and got out, I hopped along to the car and he put the scooter away for me and slammed the car door, frowned, looked super tense. I asked him what was wrong, and he blew up. He kept saying how embarrassed he was that I was in one of those, that only obese women use them and that he’s sure everyone was judging us and thinks that I’m just a lazy fat-ass slob.

I was completely taken aback. Ok, yeah, I’m a fat girl. 5’, size 12/14, big fuckin’ whoop. Not exactly the body type you see in the majority of the “obese women” he’s talking about. I told him that nobody was paying attention, nobody was watching, and that I thought it was fine. Besides, it would be hard to miss the gigantic boot on my leg! But he was so far gone, upset beyond belief about this that when we got home, he just went into his game room, shut the door, and wouldn’t help me put the groceries away.

I thought he would get over it but then this morning I found a note on my desk from him that says that he is really upset that I went against his wishes, embarrassed him in public, and made a spectacle of myself. He said that if I can’t apologize to him, he’s not sure our relationship has a future.

I’m lost at what to do. I don’t think I did anything wrong. All I did was ride a scooter for like 45 minutes, if that, while we got our groceries, so it wouldn’t take me longer. Is there a perspective that I’m not seeing here? Did I do something wrong?

tl;dr: boyfriend flipped that I used a mobility scooter, even though I have a brace on my leg.

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Comments

jackiekeracky: mobility scooters are for people who, for whatever reason, have trouble with their mobility.

you did nothing wrong, your bf is being a dick

OP: That’s close to what I told him when we were in the car, actually. I mean, the part about what mobility scooters are for, not about him being a dick.

crystanow: “I found a note on my desk from him that says that he is really upset that I went against his wishes, embarrassed him in public, and made a spectacle of myself. He said that if I can’t apologize to him,”

This is some weird thought process/attitude going on - is this totally out of character for him or has he been resentful/asshole like this in the past?

OP: It’s pretty out of character for him, honestly. We have had a mellow, happy relationship for most of this time. I think the only other time he’s gotten angry was because me and my best friend got a little too drunk at our place and were being loud.

fuckdapolice4: What kind of dick makes his injured girlfriend hobble along with him? Why couldn’t he have gone by himself in the first place? And then he made you put away all of the groceries because he was too pissed off?

Uggh, from this one isolated incident, he sounds like a really selfish dude. Don’t apologize, and in fact, if he can’t apologize… I think you should be the one re-evaluating.

OP: I’m actually the one who wanted to go grocery shopping in the first place. We keep kind of a “chore schedule” sort of thing and I’d already messed up some of the week from being injured and all of that, so I wanted to get back on schedule and at least make sure we had food for our meals and whatever else. I was just going to go by myself, but he said he’d come so it went faster.

ThankYouEbolaChanNYC: Your weight is an issue for him.

hackberrydraw: This is the correct answer, sad to say. Was the only thing going through my mind as I read your post.

As much as he might love you and appreciate you for who you are, it embarrasses him to be with an overweight person. That’s the social stigma or social norm he is so stressed about. The scooter was just a catalyst to these thoughts. /armchair psychology

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Update

Nov 21, 2014 (1 month later)

So, some of you were right. There was a weight issue, but it wasnew! We talked and he told me he wanted me to lose weight. He’d wanted me to for a while. I asked him why, despite me not gaining any weight or changing anything in my diet or exercise routine after years. He said it was a recent development, that he was starting to notice other women more and he didn’t want to feel embarrassed with me or anything.

He said he’s always been attracted to me, and still is, but it has shifted even though I haven’t gained anything since we met. So… he gave me an ultimatum: lose weight, or lose him.

I thought about it for a while, and in the end, decided to drop the dead weight. 180lbs of boyfriend later, I am happy, single, and on my way to a fun holiday season without worrying “Oh no, my boyfriend will dump me if I don’t lose weight!” Already had three great dates from Okcupid and looking forward to more! btw, Thanks!!! For all the recommendations on where to get the crutches. I got a great pair and my foot healed after that week!

EDIT: That’s about all the computer time I’ve got for one day. Anyhow, nice to chat with all of you! Good luck, see-ya!

tl;dr: Broke up with boyfriend after he requested I lose weight.

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Comments

Upallnight88: I’m curious. How fit was your boyfriend? Was he carrying any extra weight?

OP: Yeah, he had some extra weight. I never really paid attention to him gaining or losing or anything like that. He wasn’t as active as me, though.

Upallnight88: I just had to have the answer! Was the pot calling the kettle black. Actually the #1 post by Bassoon-Commie was the best thing I’ve seen here for a long time. Glad you’re happy

When told its sucks that her ex only cares about what people think about him

OP; Yeah, agreed. To be honest, I don’t have the time or patience to deal with someone who cares that much about something as stupid as what other people think.

Bassoon_Commie: “I thought about it for a while, and in the end, decided to drop the dead weight. 180lbs of boyfriend later-”

I love this. Good choice. :)

cosmicberryfairypie: My initial reaction was “awe whaa…” Then “Aaawwwe yea girl!”

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