I’m so tired today.

Friday was a Halloween party ithat none of the polycule wanted to go to but due to some miscommunication we were kind of obligated to. Ended up being a pretty decent chill time, not too bad.

Halloween was hectic. I was running around trying to make dinner and set things up for trick-or-treating. My plan of showing Over the Garden Wall on our projector outside was foiled by it not being dark enough. My polycule went to a rave after, then came back a few hours later and complained about how lame it was.

Then Sunday we went out to dinner for my GF’s birthday. A restaurant in a claustrophobic, dense, expensive part of town. Then to a bar after of course, and I hate bars. And we Uber’d both ways, which i also hate. Some polycule drama happened. My wife got too drunk and cried in the bar over some stuff with our gf. I tried to talk with my bf about music, but he was also pretty drunk and felt like I was attacking him because there’s a couple bands he likes that I dont, and that I like that he doesn’t. I stayed calm and tried to deescalate while he went from upset to shut down. The rest of the evening was awkward.

I spent pretty much all night replaying the conversations over in my head. Where did I go wrong to have such a disastrous outcome? Is there anything I need to apologize for? The chat has been fairly cold this morning. I already would havebeen too drained to talk much just from spending the whole weekend doing social things, but now I’m sleep deprived and ruminating. I’ve barely done anything at work today.

And I have a doctor’s appointment that I booked a few weeks ago, hopefully this will be my new PCP. I know i’m going to be just fine: I will put on the mask and say the things i need to say, hopefully this guy isn’t a nut case like the last one. But it’s just one more thing.

I’m hoping I can shut down tonight.