I also took a 180 on marriage but not when I met my wife.
When my (now) wife and I started dating, we both were anti marriage. Several years later, we considered marriage for certain benefits that the legal status would have had for us, and because our relationship was solid and we were already committed to it on the long term, we decided to go ahead with it.
I actually started to like the thought of it as soon as we started planning the wedding. We didn’t want to spend much on it (after all, we didn’t really believe in marriage), so we DIYd the whole thing, it was a nice bonding experience with each other and with friends who helped.
It really started to make me feel different about my relationship after a couple years. It does feel different to think
“I have a girlfriend”
vs
”I’m married. I’m someone’s husband.”
There was a certain warmth to it. We both liked being married and calling each other husband and wife. This warmth or security worked quietly in the background for years to further strengthen our relationship. And I do think it helped too at low points and conflicts to remind us that we want to fix our problems, not walk away from them (the latter sometimes seems easier on the short term when one is exhausted or desperate, it’s not a bad thing to add some friction to that process).
So while marriage on the surface is just words, rituals, and legal status; in experience I found that it’s also commitment, belonging and warmth.
Next time I will tell about how we both agreed we never want kids until one day…
I also took a 180 on marriage but not when I met my wife.
When my (now) wife and I started dating, we both were anti marriage. Several years later, we considered marriage for certain benefits that the legal status would have had for us, and because our relationship was solid and we were already committed to it on the long term, we decided to go ahead with it.
I actually started to like the thought of it as soon as we started planning the wedding. We didn’t want to spend much on it (after all, we didn’t really believe in marriage), so we DIYd the whole thing, it was a nice bonding experience with each other and with friends who helped.
It really started to make me feel different about my relationship after a couple years. It does feel different to think “I have a girlfriend” vs ”I’m married. I’m someone’s husband.”
There was a certain warmth to it. We both liked being married and calling each other husband and wife. This warmth or security worked quietly in the background for years to further strengthen our relationship. And I do think it helped too at low points and conflicts to remind us that we want to fix our problems, not walk away from them (the latter sometimes seems easier on the short term when one is exhausted or desperate, it’s not a bad thing to add some friction to that process).
So while marriage on the surface is just words, rituals, and legal status; in experience I found that it’s also commitment, belonging and warmth.
Next time I will tell about how we both agreed we never want kids until one day…