I am my gfs first partner, she is my second. The girl I dated prior (for 6 months) was a vlogger and for like 3 months made a lotta relationship and prank videos wth me which I was fine with at the time. Now my current gf is my first ever real crush and Ive been into her for a decade.
So my gf stalked my ex somehow, idk how consodering Im not on social media myself (this account is the literal exception). She then asked a LOT of questions about my ex, I dodged just about every question. After that she just pulled away and was distant and would barely talk to me or meet up. She finally told me she found my ex’s yt channel and watched every single thing on there.
Now I think Ive been VERY understanding and comforting to her, reassuring her literally every day since, being very loving and romantic to the point of cringing myself out. But she never really got over what she saw, idk if she rewatched that stuff or not but it was def smth thats always been in the back of her mind. She also knows that I broke up with my ex since I was moving countries and not bc the relationship was bad.
Now for the terrible part, smth i truly did not remember was that me and my ex had made a more personal video which was still saved somewhere on my laptop. I absolutely did not know of this and if I did I woulda gotten rid of it. Now my gf has access to my laptop (with my approval ofc) and she somehow stumbled upon it, I caught her curled up in my bed absolutely bawling her eyes out with the video playing on my desk. I have never felt this disgusting.
This is the first time my gf has denied my hug for comfort or just been so repulsed by me, she wont touch me while i explained everything, I deleted said video infront of her and begged her for a week. First she told me she needed to think things over but knowing her she wanted me chasing and I did just that, second week Ive given her space and theres been no change. We have had 2 dry 5 min convos in the last week.
How do I fix this or make it upto her???
Tl;dr: Gf found an old personal video involving an ex and wont talk to me anymore.
You won’t like this but you need to tell her you understand she is hurting and why, but that you are concerned that it seems like she isn’t improving. Tell her you want to break up so that she can get better. This is unhealthy for both of you. Tell her you are open to starting the relationship again when she is able to talk through it all with you. Offer to help her find a counselor or therapist if she is open to the idea.
Dont say all that to her. Write it all down in your words on paper or email. Give it to her but tell her you will be waiting in the next room while she reads it.
Her reaction will dictate the course. If she decides suddenly she wants to talk about everything then be careful. If she clams up or reacts in a hostile way, break off the conversation and follow through with the break up.
She needs to address her feelings. A little bit of sulking is ok, but Sulking for two weeks is not. It’s great that you have been so accommodating of her emotional needs, but after so long now you are enabling it to continue by not reacting.
But I really dont wanna break up and I dont wanna risk her saying ok lets break up. I just wanna fix this and I have told her that I understand how she feels and that I would be the same.
Then you are also in need of some self reflection. A few days of your partner neglecting you because of their emotional needs is understandable. Two weeks is really pushing it.
Do you care about her? Do you Carre about yourself? It’s time for some tough love. Tough love isn’t tough because it’s mean, it’s tough because it is hard for you and the person you love. The longer this goes on the stronger this fear of other girls stealing her boyfriend or her fears of inadequacy will become. Even if she suddenly decides she is being silly and just forces herself out of the funk, it will just return next time you are around an attractive girl.
She needs to figure these emotions out and deal with them properly. You can’t let your fear of losing her forever stop you from helping her get help. Also this is your second relationship, you need to make sure your self worth is not tied to being in a relationship with this girl. Do the right thing, address the issue head on.