Aston sought medical help after her symptoms—which included severe migraines, abdominal pain, joint dislocations, easy bruising, iron deficiency, fainting, tachycardia, and multiple injuries—began in 2015, per the New Zealand Herald. She was referred to Auckland Hospital, where a doctor accused her of causing her own illness. Because of his accusations, Aston was placed on psychiatric watch.
Research suggests women are often much more likely to be misdiagnosed than men. A 2009 study of patients with heart disease symptoms found 31.3 per cent of middle-aged women “received a mental health condition as the most certain diagnosis”, compared to just 15.6 per cent of their male counterparts. Additionally, a 2020 study found that as many as 75.2 per cent of patients with endometriosis—a painful disorder that affects the tissue of the uterus—had been misdiagnosed after they started experiencing endometriosis symptoms. Among those women, nearly 50 per cent were told they had a “mental health problem”.
When I was an EMT working on the ambulance one of my paramedic partners was this absolute sweetheart of a man. Military vet, looked like a good ole American boy, but actually read studies about how women and minorities are treated differently in healthcare and genuinely recognized and cared that it was a problem and strived to do better. One day we were working and had a paramedic student who was a young guy full of energy and confidence.
We got called out for a woman in her 20s with a cardiac issue. I don’t remember if she felt like she had an irregular heart rate or if she felt like her heart was racing, but either way, by the time we arrived on scene everything was back to normal. She reported that she’d been having this problem for a few months, had seen cardiologists and the cardiologists told her something was wrong, it was not anxiety, it was cardiac related, but they couldn’t catch it happening so they couldn’t diagnose yet but were still in the process of trying. She had even worn a portable heart monitor and had no episodes. She was frustrated that she just couldn’t catch it in the act because she just wanted to know what was going on, but she had been told if it happened again to go to the hospital for monitoring.
Our paramedic student sat down with her and began asking her all sweetly oh honey, are you sure you aren’t anxious, you sure you’re not stressed, how is your mental health? You know anxiety can be weird. As I was about to lose my mind my partner stepped in and took control of the call away from the student and reminded him that an actual cardiologist had already diagnosed her with not anxiety so maybe stop being an asshole.
The most satisfying part was after the call was over. My partner pulled the student aside to give him feedback on how his interaction had been less than cool. As the EMT (Aka low man on the totem) it was most definitely not my place to step in, but as a woman I couldn’t help myself. I cut my partner off and launched into an absolute tirade about how hard it is to be taken seriously by medical professionals as a woman and how I personally have experienced it and how bullshit it was for him to talk down to her in any situation let alone when she’d already said a doctor told her it wasn’t anxiety. I ranted him into the ground and my angel of a paramedic just sat there quietly with a smile on his face and let me go off on him.
I enjoyed this comment until the last part.
Nothing against you personally but I think that when you make it into a rant, it begins to fall on deaf ears. Instead of actually listening and thinking, the other party becomes defensive and focuses on kind of ignoring you, waiting for you to finish your tantrum. I think it was better if you had let your partner handle it, because he said it calmly: “it is not your fault, the source is much bigger, but we’d like you to be more aware of it and assess how you can do it better”.
I understand that it’s a sensitive subject and I don’t blame you for ranting. But if you want the other side to actually change for the better (because he can), you should think how you persuade him to do so.
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That wasn’t my intention. It’s not “woman dramatic, man calm”. It’s just that I’ve found people to be persuaded to change their ways more when they’re not yelled at or being ranted towards.
If OP was the one talking calmly and the man was the one yelling at him I would still say that about the man.
Edit: I also agree with you that people should be able to rant, but I feel it works against anyone who rants when the objective is to try to make the other side change their ways.
This is such a bullshit stance to take. Yes people respond differently to different forms of criticism, but saying if you just asked nicely people will change really sounds like, “It’s your fault they are bad. Just be nice. Don’t you remember when we asked Hitler nicely to not be a dick and he stopped killing people?”
That’s not what I am saying at all. Let me rephrase: I believe it is much more likely that whoever you’re talking to will listen to what you have to say - and properly consider it - if you’re saying it in a tone that puts them in a comfortable position where they feel safe.
This is anecdotal for my experience but whenever I was talked to in a calm manner I would consider the other side geniunely. When it was screamed at me (e.g. what usually happens in politics) all I think about is “how I make this person leave me alone”. I don’t care about the content, I just want this situation to end.
The end goal is to make that junior paramedic consider the perspective, and there are ways that are much effective to do that than rants.
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True. I agree with what you said. I guess I used a more general approach which is not specific to this situation.
It’s just, based on the OP’s description, it sounded like OP found an opportunity to vent all her frustrations into with no resistance.
The entire last paragraph rubbed me the wrong way. It felt unnecessary and detrimental to their goal.
I get what you’re saying. I guess I want to add the context that I knew the student, he’d been a co-worker and we had a good working relationship and we already respected each other. He was going to listen to me when I opened my mouth, just like I would listen to him if he had criticism of something I did. My “rant” wasn’t yelling, it wasn’t overly emotional, it was a “as a man you have no idea what it’s like so I’m going to tell you and I’m going to tell you some actual real life experiences because maybe now you’ll have some compassion and remember this and not be an asshole next time.” And my partner let me do it because he recognized that the message was going to come across way better from a woman who’s lived it than from a man. And you can tell me that I shouldn’t have done it, but in that situation it worked. That student was going to remember it.
The last bit especially, EMT is valid in venting but that doesn’t mean it’s effective or the best course of action to take as a professional, esp. when you’re supposed to be the mature fucking adult coaching.
You can call me an incel for this but uncontrolled emotional outbursts are damaging to relationships - consistent and clear communication is best to prevent any surprises or blow ups
So because this dude said a rant was ineffective in coaching the coworker ( unprofessional, ineffective) that makes him an incel?
Your sexism is showing lfriend.